ruBZ

[Maxime @maximebiaggi]

Faudra pas oublier de dire bonjour 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Vald dans ZEN, lundi 👍🏻

[FarsAttack @FarsAttack]

Re j’avais plus de batterie

[ruBZ @Rubaix]

@Riot_Kassadin @1v9GG_ Balenci#FWAEH

[ruBZ @Rubaix]

@HecarimIRL Balenci#FWAEH on EUW

[Israel ישראל @Israel]

20 weeks ago today.

07.10.2023 💔

We will never forget.

[Zen Émission @ZenEmission]

HAHAHAHAHA le gros suceur

[Dantes @doaenel]

I miss Korea.

Not because of the Solo Queue,

Not because of the culture,

Not because of the friends I lived with.

I miss Korea because I hate being a person.

When I end stream on a good day, I feel like it could’ve went better.

When I end stream on a bad day, I feel like my world is ending.

You might think I’m overexaggerating;

I’m not.

I don’t think about my family.

I don’t think about my friends.

I don’t think about the positives in my life.

All I can think about is that one game I could’ve won.

That one death I could’ve avoided.

That one play I could’ve made.

“You’re just being edgy for likes”

Let me explain.

I don’t view myself as a person possessing the characteristics and traits that I possess.

I view myself as a conglomerate of individual characteristics and traits that each have the possibility to progress independently of one another.

So, what’s the issue?

The issue is that when people see me, I don’t think they see me.

I think they see a physical manifestation of the things that make me up as a person.

And when a certain part of my life is regressing;

When my rank gets lower,

When my viewercount gets lower,

When my body doesn’t look as good,

I want to hide.

I want to run.

Because I can’t let them see me as a lesser being than what I could be.

I get an all-consuming urge to just escape.

To isolate.

And so, I entrap myself.

As punishment.

If I make a conscious decision in a League game that sets my goals back by another game,

Then I deserve pain.

I deserve emotional loneliness.

I deserve to be trapped deep within the recesses of my own mind.

“Why?”

Because I won’t make the same mistake tomorrow.

Because I won’t want to experience that feeling again.

I feel no self love;

Because I have no sense of self.

My life revolves around my goals;

Everything else is a reward.

Socializing?

A reward.

Calling my family?

A reward.

Visiting friends?

A reward.

And if I regress in any way,

Then I am not deserving of a reward.

I am only deserving of the ability to redeem it all tomorrow.

And this is why I miss Korea.

Because Korea, until the bans, was the first time in my life where I truly felt at home.

Where I truly felt a sense of inner peace.

“Why?”

Because it was the first time in my life where I could truly immerse myself in my goals.

Where I didn’t have to worry about a sleep schedule;

Where I didn’t have to worry about being in bed at a certain time,

Where I didn’t have to worry about talking to anyone.

And where I could just fully commit myself to my goal.

My goal of hitting Challenger Korea.

My goal that I hit in 10 days.

There’s nothing in this life that I hate more than responsibilities.

The only responsibility that I accept without complaint is the responsibility of turning myself into the best version of myself possible.

And it’s for that reason that I have to return.

And it’s for that reason that I will return.

But this time when I go there;

It’ll be different from every other time.

Because this time, when I go there;

I don’t plan on returning.

I won’t book a return ticket.

Not until I receive what I am owed.

What I have been owed for months, but have never gotten the ability to receive.

The one thing that every Man on this planet is owed.

The ability to see my true potential.

Korea.

October 23.

The Final Run.

[Zen Émission @ZenEmission]

On est qu'en février mais je pense qu'on a malheureusement déjà le son de l'année