Ruth Cheeseburg

©manic depressive pig®

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@curb_david
-Ben Stiller is recording the whole thing with some fancy new smart phone
-Gets it all with audio and agrees to make a deal with Spike Lee
-Somehow Trump isn't the biggest asshole of the day

I'll take my royalties in cash

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@curb_david
-But the fancy Manhattan car salesman is in the suite with trump and says "I sold that bald Jew a Mercedes a few years ago"
-And Tina Fey tries to protect Larry but remembers that he never donated to her Vision Zero fundraiser

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@curb_david
-Tracey Morgan realizes that Larry is the guy who almost killed him in the car accident because Larry hasn't worn that outfit since the crash
-He pushes the blame to Funkhouser, saying he was driving because he isn't there

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@curb_david
Larry David at the Knicks game already looks like a Curb episode:
-He's just chomping gum relentlessly
-"Larry, do you have to chew the gum so loudly?" - Timothy Chalemet
-"No one calls me Timmy, Lare"
-And it derails the whole game

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@michelleisawolf Do u really like pasta this much? Congrats on the show I guess, don't get fat.

https://t.co/zXZKPanTvn

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

The only thing I haven't heard on the news is the only thing I'm interested in. How much grayer did Obama's hair get over night?

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

#njdevils dj flight facilities Claire de lune

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@RinseFM @SamSupplier Bumping your chunes on our little footy pitch getting primed for premier league tomorrow. Big ups from New Jersey!

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

asdf

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@EmeraldRose Thanks for the shout out on Drive Time! Come out to Detroit and stay with us ;). So much avocado and pilsner!

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@RinseFM Yo we're in Detroit at movement drinking some pilsner, eating avocado, and looking at canada. And best of all, listening to you!

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

Good Idea: When you run out of glue, just replace it with semen.

Bad Idea: Replacing glue with semen during arts & crafts day at school.

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

Life Pro Tip #69: Shove a hot-sauce covered popsicle up your ass for the best orgasm you've never had. Do it, you won't

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

Forgot to pull up my undies after an hour-long jerkoff session. Now there's a single strand of jizz connecting my room to the fridge

[Glenn Howerton @GlennHowerton]

You want a crossover? #Workaholics #SunnyFXX

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@officialjaden confirmed for cuckolded by that busted slut kylie jenner. LOL ask daddy to put you in another movie, #JadenIsABeta #anhero

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

@RuthCheeseburg Ruth motherfucking LOVES COKE

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

#Kroger & #CocaCola are donating 100,000 Coke cans to troops. I helped & YOU can too http://t.co/NcnUh7jPpK #HonoringOurHeroes #ShareaCoke

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

What ever happened to Paste? NO ONE TALKS ABOUT CTRL+V!! @granadatheater

[Ruth Cheeseburg @RuthCheeseburg]

Oh no I accidentally masturbated in the midst of the line dance and ejaculated on the back of a fraternity brother. We fucked. #rudm2014