Ryan Heelan

Hates potatoes.
Dangerously addicted to chapstick.

[Men in Blazers @MenInBlazers]

“I hope this email finds you well!”

How this email finds me:

[U.S. Soccer Men's National Team @USMNT]

RIP IT AND FLIP IT! A WORLDY FROM JEDI!

#USMNT x @VW

[J.D. Capelouto @jdcapelouto]

I want World Cup tickets so I'm currently in a waiting room to join a queue to enter a presale draw to determine my eligibility to maybe buy tickets at an unspecified later date

what are we doing here @FIFAcom

[Ryan Heelan @RyanHeelan]

@emcrip Rabies

[Men in Blazers @MenInBlazers]

Worst things to happen to England. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

1066: Norman Conquest
1349: Black Death
1776: Losing America

Not to be hyperbolic, but this ranks up there…

[Men in Blazers @MenInBlazers]

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🚢☠️

[Men in Blazers @MenInBlazers]

Belgium paging @ArtButSports. 🇧🇪

[Bridgewater Police (Massachusetts) @BwtrPolice]

3/20/2024 1:16PM Caller reports juveniles are spraying people with "fart spray" and there is a fight in front of McDonalds. Peace restored. Parents took custody of juveniles.

[MrBeast @MrBeast]

I’m gonna give 10 random people that repost this and follow me $25,000 for fun (the $250,000 my X video made)

I’ll pick the winners in 72 hours

[German American Cultural Society of RI @gacsri]

For the beer lovers: here’s the lineup for next weekend’s Oktoberfest. More info and tickets available here: https://t.co/4nLbYmwTbd

[Ryan Heelan @RyanHeelan]

@FCBayernEN @HKane #MiaSanMia

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

Live look at the Prem League title chase! @DaMidgetZimbo @backagain

[Ryan Heelan @RyanHeelan]

@ESPNPlus @Bundesliga_EN Bayern 3-2 Dortmund

[Bridgewater Police (Massachusetts) @BwtrPolice]

3/20/23 9:53PM 911 caller from Norlen Park reports adult sister went on a walk three hours ago and has not returned. Multiple phone calls made without answer. Officer reports missing person was located inside callers residence.

[Ryan Heelan @RyanHeelan]

@TimJDillon

[Leading Report @LeadingReport]

BREAKING: Chicago inmates claim they are being pressured to illegally cast ballots in Lori Lightfoot’s mayoral election.

[Ryan Heelan @RyanHeelan]

They also used to show us a food pyramid where we were told to eat 12 servings of carbs....

[Mike D @MikeDOnAir]

It still blows my mind when I'm driving down 95 and there's just billboards for weed everywhere.

They used to show us commercials of deflated people sitting on a couch and now they're like "lol jk these gummies hit fr"

[Ryan Heelan @RyanHeelan]

Yeah but how many hot dogs could you snarf?

[k8 @kaatelyyyn]

I could easily polish off 16 cheeseburgers from mcDs

[Ryan Heelan @RyanHeelan]

@BarstoolBigCat

[Men in Blazers @MenInBlazers]

“I’m your older brother Mike, and I was stepped on”