Ryan Hrbek

Purveyor of average dad jokes. Distributor of unnecessary knowledge.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Imagine being the president of a country and going to a sports game between two teams in your country and being the single least liked person in Madison Square Garden.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

@TheBengineer77 A heated game of Battleshits.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Ruth Steak’s Chris House

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

@TheBengineer77 Stop putting my life on display for the pleasure of others.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

My plans 2020

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

#lastnormalphoto

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Week 10: Finally brave enough to watch Contagion only to find out I’ve already experienced all the spoilers.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Why aren’t people who go to church called Steeple People?

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Zoom Zoom Zoom Zoom
I want you in my room
Let’s spend the night together
From now until forever
Zoom Zoom Zoom Zoom

[Time To Wash Hands @TimeToWashHands]

Soap is not food. Soap is for your hands. Not sure why I have to say this. #TimeToWashHands

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Public service announcement:

If you want little extra reminders throughout the day to keep your five-fingered friends clean, follow @TimeToWashHands and sign up for tweet notifications.

[Time To Wash Hands @TimeToWashHands]

It's timey wimey for wishy washy. #TimeToWashHands

[Time To Wash Hands @TimeToWashHands]

Should you wash your hands right now?

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Help Send a Flat Eearther to the ISS https://t.co/pLHQWhxeFR

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

A glass of your wettest wine, please. Shaken, not stirred.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Tyrion: Bran has the best story, he deserves the throne.

Bran, alone in his chambers:

#GOTFinale

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

My favorite temperature is cozy.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

We made a thing. Check it out, have some fun with it, and #ReleaseTheReport Shout out to everyone @SSandK who made this come together so quickly. https://t.co/nFqqt4xszm

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

Tattoos make it hard to go into witness protection. Face tattoos make it harder.

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

*camera cuts to random male funeral attendee in the last row*
*random man leans over to the stranger next to him*
MAN: Who's funeral is this anyway?
*stranger realizes that the man is Stan Lee disguised as a delivery man at his own funeral*
*Avengers 4 release date is announced*

[Ryan Hrbek @RyanHrbek]

You only forget until you remember.
I think.