Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager

I decline your submission for fun and profit. Satire about commercial underwriting. Not a quote. Not financial advice. Mostly not HR-approved

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

SCUM = Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager.

I don’t sell coverage.

I protect the combined ratio.

If your submission has “we’ve never had a loss” in the email and there are 3 losses in the loss runs, we are going to be friends.

Satire. Not a quote. Not HR-approved.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@Polymarket If she has an E&O policy active, she can actually avoid a lawsuit here.
If she doesn’t, she should hmu.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@chasedownleads Finally, a product that performs better than my book of business.
I’m going to need the amortization schedule and the loss runs on your wife.

[Tyler @TMoneyBeats_]

@SCUM_UW @WorkRetireDie And then the company spends so much money at Top Golf on things you’ll never see, that they can’t pay performance bonuses or salary increases.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@TMoneyBeats_ @WorkRetireDie Yup lol

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@shortsqueeznews Anti Fund wants 13x their first fund in under a year.
Track record: Jake Paul.
Submission: “trust us bro” + private jet pic.
I’d declined it for funsies

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@returntoquality Dude wears a medium lol. Can’t take him seriously

[Caleb @CalebSol]

Me managing my $193 portfolio

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

Hartford’s next CEO used to be the chief underwriting officer.
So the man who used to decline the account is now running the whole company.
Seamless transition.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

Submission of the Day
Class: Light Manufacturer

Email: “family owned, no losses, easy account”

Website: powder coating and a forklift in the parking lot

Loss runs: 3

Decision: more information needed

Follow-up they sent: a Canva brochure and a photo of the owner’s boat

They called it a unique opportunity.

I declined it.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@HVACSEO LOL

[Rex Beyers @Rex_Beyers]

Today is the final day without scheduled NFL or Division I football for two straight months. When you wake up Thursday, a stretch of 61 straight days with at least one football game await, until there is nothing on the calendar Dec. 1 or 2.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@Dylanmadden I’m over here expensing golf and steak dinners while raising your insurance prices

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@SMB_Attorney $250k down on a $5M business with 80% debt and the plan is just ‘keep it alive.’ Adorable. Until one claim eats the cash flow and your debt service goes from theory to foreclosure. Some acquisitions build wealth. Others just build a very expensive claims file.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@aShubhamz *Goosehead Insurance

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

$400 million business built on 20 million fake restaurant reservations.
Cute.
Until every restaurant in America cancels the bookings, the secondary market collapses, and you’re left explaining to the IRS how your “vibe-coded” empire never actually existed.
Some people invent businesses.
Others invent headaches.

[Senior Commercial Underwriting Manager @SCUM_UW]

@ParadisoPresent And don’t send be crap submissions