Stephen Hale

Fully Charged

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

Here’s a stupid thing I did https://t.co/Xo42Mpn5I1

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

@michaelmohan Here’s the church…

[Heather Anne Campbell @heathercampbell]

Five years ago, I uploaded this video that memorialized the best sketch comedy I've ever been a part of.

I miss The Midnight Show.

https://t.co/KnESy0C0g0

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

There’s no band more Metallica than Metallica.

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

@nicwegener I fucking knew it.

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

I just want to know if I can pay more money. The doctor told me I should take an ambulance next time and that’s a great fucking idea. Forgot I could spend more money that why. I’m an idiot.

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

You get medical insurance to pay $5,000 for an ER visit, right ? That’s why I pay $700 a month for medical insurance for my family so I can pay $5,000 to take my daughter to the ER? Is there a way I can pay more for ER visits? Feel like I’m doing this wrong

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

@Brotherwags Yeah you did, mother fucker! Let’s go!

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

USA - Land of the free, home of the I think my 2 year old daughter is dying, I should probably take her to the ER but that is going to cost a lot of money so maybe I should wait it out and see how she feels in an hour

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

@heathercampbell @themidnightshow You’re a terrible human being @heathercampbell

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

@michaelmohan @HrishiHirway Happy this is out. Listened to it twice. Makes me want to play some kickball.... glad your music is back, Hrishi!

[Eric Moneypenny @EricMoneypenny]

If I can hear my upstairs neighbors fuck, I bet they can hear me cry!

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

How does it happen that SoFI, a student loan re-financing company, could spend $625 million to put its name on the LA Rams football stadium when 45 million Americans are drowning in $1.8 trillion in student debt? Today would be a good day for the President to cancel student debt.

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

Time to put my kids to bed. Or, as I like to call it, the time of day where I debate leaving my family.

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

@indeed Has commercials where people get excited Hahahahahah about uploading resumes hahahahaha getting interviews hahahahaha and getting a job HAHAHHAHAHAHA. LIKE PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT TO FUCKING WORK HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. CLASSIC!

[Frog and Toad Bot @FrogandToadbot]

'I will do it tomorrow,' said Toad. 'Today I will take life easy.'

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

My son is already writing a thank you card to Santa to thank him for the presents. Dude is playing with fucking fire. He could wake up tomorrow with coal or nothing at all and look like a real clown. But live and learn I guess.

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

Can’t find the fucking elf on the shelf. Been looking for 45 minutes. Wife is gonna kill me. Kids are gonna hate Christmas. This stupid fucking elf thinks it’s funny.

[Stephen Hale @SDBHALE]

I gave my 6 and 4 year olds one candy cane. One. ONE! That’s it. One fucking candy cane. One little fucking candy cane. ONE! And now I have two Tony Monatanas in my house. ONE!!!!