The Candid Mom

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

$Shelbytrodden

[Cash App @CashApp]

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[Cash App @CashApp]

We’re giving away $100,000 this #CashAppFriday. RT this with your $cashtag or £cashtag for a chance to receive $250 in cash or bitcoin.

Must be following @CashApp to qualify. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Official rules: https://t.co/cVPeTFLAE6

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

felt real old last night when I drove past a club at 10pm, in pajama style clothes, to go to the pharmacy. Clearly my Saturday nights are exciting.

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

3 y/o making Barbie walk... “hmm hmm hmm, I’m walking in the hood.”

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

Tonight...3 y/o is cradling a Pringle in her arm “hush hush baby Jesus, hush hush baby Jesus...I’M GOING TO EAT YOU BABY JESUS.” #6lb8ozbabyjesus #jesus #watchoutjesus

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

**3 y/o enters my bedroom as I’m getting dressed**
“Just checked, and I don’t see your butthole”
**exits room** #butthole #goodtoknow #thanksforchecking

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

This morning while sleeping in my bed, the 3 y/o abruptly awakes and SCREAMS “mama!!” So, being right next to her, I ask “yes?” And she says “oh.” Then goes peacefully back to sleep. #youarecrazy #psychokid #cantyoufeelmybigbuttnexttoyou #wherewouldigo

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

“I do not like broccoli, and I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m president of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.” – George H. W. Bush
#NationalDayOfMourning #Remembering41

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

I told D (7 y/o) to enjoy being young ... because right now I pay for our house, his Xbox/games, his food, I do his cooking, cleaning, etc. and when he’s my age he has to do all that for his family too. Response?

“No, that’s the Mom. I’ll be the Dad, so I can relax and read.”

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

Just tried to download on app on my iPhone X. It told me to double click the side button. Guess I am over caffeinated, because it was calling 911 instead. #onlypushittwice #thriceandyougetthepopo

[The Candid Mom @STXcandidMama]

Me: The Elf on the Shelf will come back from the North Pole every night.
3 year old: YEAH and come in our rooms and KILL US
Me: Kill????
3 year old: noooo like “rahhhhh”
Me: OH! Scare, well, maybe

#talkright #bigdifference #whatdoyouthinkelvesdo