Sabrina Weisz

This is important. Give me a minute to get into character.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

Some of you need to learn about punctuation

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

We get it. You have a small penis.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

I wish I could just plug in Matrix style and download every pun ever told so I won't do the goofy chuckle whenever I haven't heard one.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

I bet none of you can't imitate my voicemail message as well as I do when I accidentally answer.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

How long can you be right on the verge of sneezing? I think I'm on day six now.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

Awesome group cuddle. Now where's my glasses?

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

Do you swing? Park here.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

I'm having some difficulties balancing my time budget. It's weird because my income hasn't changed.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

No, Internet. Life is a good thing and I don't want to hack it. Let's see some death hacks instead because I don't like the sound of that.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

The world's tallest mermaid.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

Let me know if you have some spare sleep gathering dust. I'm all over that.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

"So we're doing a porn spoof of The X-files. Let's nail that title, people."

[two hours later]

"Uhm... Can we have some czechs in it?"

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

Once a tweet makes you hear the Benny Hill Show theme in your head it keeps happening over and over again.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

Killah bees.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

"OK, duck face products. Let's think outside the box. Ideas?"
"Well, I got this dog that I hate..."

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

I'm just not sure but give me your eye contact details and I'll think about it.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

BAD COP: And then you pulled the trigger? Brains all over the sidewalk, HUH?! ANSWER GODDAMMIT!
GOOD COP: Uhm... Name the Great Lakes.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

[on the phone with customer services]

So what would the fee for shipping only be? I'm planning to do all the handling myself.

[Sabrina Weisz @SabrinaWeisz]

How many followers do you need to call yourself a writer and start lamenting over not getting your job done?