Sad Peruna

Constant state of maudlin ennui.

[Sad Peruna @SadPeruna]

Are we just going to ignore the fact that Charlie Brown was a bald 8 year old?

[Sad Peruna @SadPeruna]

@MambaArchives Dirk: 1

[threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy]

If you think you’ve had a bad day, my 9 year old came home from school with a trumpet.

[Jackson Doud @JacksonDoud]

Dude behind me at lunch ordered “The usual.”

Got hit back with a “and that would be?”

Has to be absolutely devastating. Can’t even imagine.

[Sad Peruna @SadPeruna]

@PTP19772 @onMantel $30-$40 Million.

[Lauren Thompson Boyd @laurentboyd1981]

It would be great if Walmart added an observation deck with a bar.

[Sgt Blackout 🫡 @coldcallsniper]

I’m so over the 9-5 lifestyle man. Something needs to change. Why can’t I just

Win a parlay for $1.8 million
Quit my 9-5
Move to the islands
Open up a surf shop
Marry a local
Have 4 beautiful children
Take a fishing charter out to sea
Get swallowed up by a big wave
Barley survive
Wash up on shore to a remote island
Almost killed by the local tribe
Convince them I am useful
Teach them better way to fish and hunt
Gain their trust
Learn their language
Fall in love with the tribe leaders daughter
Get married and take over the tribe
Have 4 more beautiful children
Have a huge party on the beach
Nearby plane notices and radios for help
Rescue ship comes to island
Me and my family get on it
My new family meets my old family
Tons of confusion and emotion
Eventually we all become one family
I now have 2 wives and 8 children
Lie is good, by my bills get bigger
Most of parlay winning are gone
I need more money to keep the shop open
I start betting on monkey fights
I lose virtually all my money
I put all I had left on one last monkey
He is a massive underdog
I wrap a razor blade on his foot
I win big! Everything is okay again
The other gamblers find out I cheated
They alert the police
I get thrown in jail for 2 years
I get out and both my wives left me
The children are all grown up and gone
I have just enough money to get a flight
I have to get a 9-5 job to pay the bills
But then I remember
I still have a little left in my sports book
I make another parlay

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

time traveler: i love your volcano

pompeiian: our what?

time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube

[Fuckin’ Princess @8WithaTiara]

The amount of cookies I've watched the Cookie Monster waste with his bullshit chewing makes me sick

[mariana Z @mariana057]

ME: I trained this chicken to talk.

HER: Lets see.

ME: What's a male deer?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies?

CHICKEN: Buck buck

HER: This is stupid.

ME: It gets better.

CHICKEN: It gets way better, Karen.

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

It must have felt so good to shove open the saloon doors hard af

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

[inventing hot cakes]
I don’t even know what these are gonna sell like

[greg @greg16676935420]

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them because I’m at the mall right now and guess who’s here

[Sad Peruna @SadPeruna]

Actually, Christmas is a Die Hard movie.

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

[while my wife opens up her christmas present] remember when you said we needed milk

[sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) 🇵🇸🇨🇩🇸🇩 @cottoncandaddy]

mary and joseph: wow I can't believe we just had a baby

little drummer boy: are you motherfuckers ready to rock

[Cool Eric @OBiiieeee]

One time my dad walked in on me googling "Wario in a dress" and we never talked about it.

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

When I was a kid, I thought there was a monster in my closet. I still do, but I don’t live there anymore, so he’s not my problem. Have fun dealing with Fangface, Mom and Dad.

[Sad Peruna @SadPeruna]

The detective picked through the charred remains. Red and white hat, striped shirt, some burnt glasses. "Yep, it's Waldo. We found him."

[Allen Strickland Williams @TotallyAllen]

I don't think we need two-factor authorization to sign up for Jersey Mike's rewards program. I think we can play that one a little loose.