Sam Sterbenz

“come on, poke the bear”

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

If apple juice came out today it would be called apple milk and you know it

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

Jeez Adrian Brody I wish I could take an intermission during that speech.

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

Just got the early screener of the Super Bowl. I love being on the academy award voting committee.

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

Shit if my dad was will smith I’d dress like a house too

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

After he heard about what’s happening to the animals Galadiator is changing his name to Gladiator.

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

Happy first day of long Hanukkah.

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

No cap I just walked in on my friend going down on his flesh light? Is that weird or king shit?

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

Same thing happened to me as Emma stone in poor things but they gave me the brain of the rock lobster 🦞

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

I’ve got a hole in my pants and a hole in my underwear but lucky for you they don’t line up

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

@jackcorrbit Dead

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

This hurricane better show us the damn emails!

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

Rip mr Herman. He touched a lot of us but most of all he touched himself.

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

My moms seeing Barbie, I’m seeing Oppenheimer, and my Dad is seeing another woman.

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

If I had known it was gonna get so big I would’ve bought stock in my own ass!

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

@katiekenniston Owns a kid

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

@MattyVergun Just testing the water

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

You think dogs ever have sex human style?

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

@TimLyons You’re a good guy, Tim.

[Nate Odenkirk @birthdaynate]

Cause of death: "Return to Sender"
https://t.co/MWZb6vG6SW

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

@jon_louis_ When will it end?

[Sam Sterbenz @SamSterbenz]

@Kleinberg2013 Ai Steven Kleinberg