Yo Semite Sam

color commentary

[Ronny Sharts @RonnySharts]

You gotta do good.
Otherwise it’s gonna be bad.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

@RonnySharts I’m right here, bro. 🤎

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Marc Maron just broke thru my drywall and lambasted me for a eating a chili dog.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

“4 Me’s to poupon!” Triumph the insult comic dog, sending his clones to be sacrificed in a Soylent green-like future where dogs are turned into gourmet mustard.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Once again: if you attended one open mic last year, make sure your socials have the word “comedian” plastered all over them.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

I can’t have my stand up online until some of you learn more knowledge and gain an attention span.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Do you live in LA? Wear a terrible hat!

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

@RonnySharts You have a begrudging charm

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Are you a comedian who’s cuter than 7.5?

Use your extra stage time to tell stock, populist jokes. That way, the rest of us are sure to hate you!

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Mall of America needs better food. Fat rights!

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Hey if you show up to a dingy open mic to do stand up once a year: make sure your username is “(first name) (last name) comedy”

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Can you eat other parts of huasca, or just the eye?

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Well the Trader Joe’s peanut butter stuffed pretzels are calling me Joseph Stalin because of how I wipe out a thousand of them every night without giving it much thought.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

It’s been two weeks since the botched assassination and what shocks me the most is how many comedians pronounce roof like “rough”

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Trump survived the weakest of gunshot wounds and, in that moment, GOP and Democrats alike had the piano notes from 50 cent’s “many men” blaring in their heads.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Progressive Toronto yutes be like “Hooolleeee shordie, you’re bad as fuck, what are your cro-nouns, fam?”

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

@patdegeest Eurocentrism

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Call me Richard Nixon the way the dick appointment was taped for posterity by the library of congress.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

Mexican TSA has a service where they tell you your fly is unzipped, I know this because a Mexican TSA agent told me my fly was unzipped.

[Yo Semite Sam @SamTheBearJew]

*Old timey prospector looking at Palestine, Ohio*

*slings pickax over shoulder with excitement*

“I reckon there’s vinyl chloride in them there hills”