Sam Rhoads

An espresso martini is a manly drink

[Evan Closky @ECloskyWTSP]

Kenny Piper is a 28-year-old catcher who was squeezed off AAA roster & sent back to AA this season.

Was put on standby today in a hotel room in case a last-minute deal happened.

It did.

He knew this was only a one game deal.

Gets a hit in his final AB.

Baseball is the best.

[I agree Go Cavs @CavsLover69]

The cowards @nytimes have put the mini crossword behind a paywall

[jeff @DedicationHoops]

starting a political campaign where my sole promise is to build more free indoor basketball courts because why is it so difficult to find one

[Sam Rhoads @Sam_Rhoads51]

@numbawunswaggot Shelley, any recommendations on shows to watch?

[Michael Girdley @girdley]

Here is my plan to repurpose obsolete malls:

Bulldoze them and build high-density housing.

[justin serb-ert 🇷🇸🍉 @markocantdunk]

Daily affirmations:

- I’m not chopped
- my jumper is wet
- that noise my car is making isn’t a big deal
- my friends don’t hate me
- I will not miss fast break layups
- my fits are hard

[trash jones @jzux]

bar trivia is a fun activity if you ever want to feel like the dumbest motherfucker who ever lived

[andy from 5 to 7 @ChampagneAnyone]

before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate

[High Highs & Low Lows 🎭 @wavidnotdavid]

No one is coming to save you

[jame @kloogans]

guy who just spent 58,000 dollars on a new jeep wrangler: 30 shitty little rubber ducks across the dashboard would look great in here i bet

[Michael Kandel @K_A_N_D_E_L]

white boy STUNS mother by correctly guessing WHO she ran into the OTHER DAY

[$achito 𓁢 @vuhsaachi]

When you eatin with ya girl and she thinks you just rubbing her thighs but you using her pants as a napkin

[Rodger Sherman @rodger]

If you’re playing Ja’marr Chase in fantasy you don’t even have to watch the games on Sunday. Just go for a hike, look at the changing leaves etc

[Alicia Smith @Alicia_Smith19]

Can’t tell if this is an ex, or someone running for President of the United States

[Boogie 🦇 @boogieszn__]

took her to a rage room and she started hitting ME

[Noah Kahan @NoahKahan]

DO NOT remove your card, don’t even think about it
REMOVE IT NOW! NOW!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT PLEASE REMOVE YOUR CARD

[Scruff Ruffman @RuffScruffs]

Welcome to the fucking thunder dome

[Kevlar @CEOofSludge]

Hey man we’re killing you with stones and rocks after work today

[Brandon Beylo @marketplunger1]

“Maybe I should check my portfolio to see how my stocks are doing.”

*Opens Schwab*