Sam Breckenridge

Department of Transportation donor. Believer in moon landing. Repeat ankle twister. The higher your hair, the more likely it is to get caught in the car door.

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

@NHLBruins You really need to throw the kids in section 330 row 7 on the Jumbotron, they are full of fun facts and dance moves #bruins

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

Yes @Internet, I accept all cookies

[Samantha Hannah @thesammyhannah]

“wfh”

what it means: work from home
what my brain sees: what fthe hell?

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

Hey are you a robot pretending to be a human because you just captcha’d my heart

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

@Kohls:
*kids looking worried w/ no presents under the Christmas tree & lumpy stockings*
Mom: “Everyone gets coals for Christmas”
*kids look horrified*
*dad dumps stockings to reveal Kohls cash*
*shopping spree*
Morgan Freeman: “The only Kohls people are asking for this Christmas

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

I’m glad that work travel has resumed so that I can shed an entire layer of skin off my feet with these dress shoe blisters. Leave that old skin in 2020, am I right?

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

Neighborhood watch but we all yell at the other dog owners for not picking up their dog’s poo

[connor Wood @fibulaa]

Commas were created by big punctuation to slow us down from talking more fast and destroy the run on sentence industry. Wake up

[Lili Reinhart @lilireinhart]

I feel like my whole life and personality would change if I got long acrylic nails.

[thomas 🍌 @perfectsweeties]

me: hello i would like some spinach. just a normal amount for a normal person

grocery store: yea right. bet u love spinach u little spinach freak. here's a fucking brick of spinach. a literal bathtub full. u have 3 days to eat it all before it goes bad

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

@AshleyJacksonPR Drink all the butter beer for me 😋

[prance @bocxtop]

“wow yall really trust a vaccine that was made in 8 months???” u were made in 9 months and we still let ur dumbass walk around unsupervised

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

@AnaPel7 @Kristina_Maria1 😂

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

GEORGE

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

@USPS blows

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

@Ratherr_dashing How would you feel if they called you Junie from Spy Kids?

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

It blows my mind that people just know car models. Like did you all study this at some point? Why don’t I know these things?

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

If you’ve ever wanted to buy me a $4 gift: THIS IS IT

[Lucky Charms @LuckyCharms]

For a limited time you can say #JustMagicalMarshmallows are mine. The magic will peak in the coming weeks!💫

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

You could have just said, “We don’t want to lose money.” @AmerAcadPeds

[American Academy of Pediatrics @AmerAcadPeds]

Today's action by @HHSGov allowing pharmacies to provide vaccines to children ages 3-18 is incredibly misguided. Our full statement: https://t.co/CFyLnP34U1

[Sam Breckenridge @SamiQueen1994]

@imospizza it’s so hard to watch your commercials on the Blues games when I am on the east coast and can’t order your sweet, sweet pies