🌸

Pretty fly for a jedi 🇸🇻 🇲🇽

[hani @crucifynisis]

“do it scared” i do everything scared because i dont have a relaxed nervous system and it always feels like im held at gunpoint

[Fish ΘΔ @algae_fish]

Tech bros do not deserve san francisco give that shit back to the queers

[michael hess @mchlhess]

Friend making $20/hr as a server: “Don't worry, bro, this one's on me, and you'll get the next”

Friend making $470k as a senior software engineer: “Can you Venmo me $9.62 for your share of the Uber ride?”

[PopCulture @notgwendalupe]

it is actually so cool that the girl that owned hotels and the guy that crashed hotels got married

[marissa @sadfatwaterbear]

@kittyfawkes13 @miracide_ i have student loans to pay back because i went to school to learn how to safely run anesthesia for that $1500 dental. if you’d like to take the risk on a cheaper dental where your pet isn’t being monitored at all, then be my guest.

[No filter Skin @NoFilterSkin]

I walked into a pharmacy yesterday just to buy deodorant and saw something that honestly left me speechless.
There was a kid standing near the shelf, holding a Dove deodorant like it was a piece of candy.
Before anyone could say anything, he bit the package.
His mom saw it immediately.
She snatched it from his hand, looked around, and simply put the product back on the shelf like nothing had happened.
I stared at her and said,
“Ma’am, he just bit that deodorant.”

[🌸 @SarahSkywalkerr]

@6GodOsiris @IAmLilRico It happened in school, where legally he is supposed to be at? How is that her fault exactly?

[princessface @mainslayrrr]

i love smoking weed but i think to achieve my goals i may have to quit…

[Adele Bloch @adele_bloch]

everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager

> drive your friends to the airport
> go to their party even when you're tired
> stop cancelling last minute
> host at your place
> support the wins & losses

it's worth every ounce of effort

[Simpsons Daily Glavins 🏴‍☠️🇺🇲 @simpsons_DG]

"So all the Simpson women turn out okay!"

"That's right, sweetie. The defective Simpson gene is on the 'Y' chromosome, so only men are affected."

#WomensDay2026

[Today Years Old @todayyearsold]

I’d like to see the CEO of LinkedIn try to find a real job through LinkedIn

[Emir Han @RealEmirHan]

In 2011, Breaking Bad and The Office did a cross over skit for the Emmys and it feels unreal 😭

[Kia 🧸ྀི @xevekiah]

For almost two months, I was convinced my friend group had a separate group chat without me.

Plans would get mentioned casually, “oh yeah, like we said earlier”, and I’d just stand there like 🙂 earlier where? If I walked into the room and they stopped laughing, my brain immediately titled it: Season 2: The Quiet Exile. I started analyzing delivery times, inside jokes, who viewed my stories but didn’t reply. Every late response felt intentional. Every “we forgot to tell you” felt strategic.

One night I finally joked, “So what’s the name of the secret group chat?”
They all looked confused.

Turns out there was another group chat, but it was for planning a surprise birthday thing for me. The reason they’d go quiet? They were terrible at lying. The “earlier” conversations? About work, not me. The late replies? Two of them had just started new jobs and one was going through a breakup.

Meanwhile, I had already mentally written a betrayal arc, drafted my villain origin speech, and emotionally distanced myself for protection.

The stupidest part? Nobody was excluding me.
I was just overprotecting myself from a threat that didn’t exist.

That’s when I realized, sometimes the only person putting me on the outside… is me.

[OMG HI KITTY!! @CatMacroz]

Boston 2010. A cat named Sal Esposito was called for jury duty when his owner listed him on a city census, causing him to be wrongly added to the juror pool. Despite efforts by his owner to disqualify him, stating he can't speak English, the court initially required him to appear

[Cats That Make You Go Awww @CuteAdorableCat]

Cat followed the Google Earth camera everywhere 😂

[𐙚 Juju vai ver o bts 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ @JubiluR]

Finalmente consegui gostar dessa corrente

[Shubh @shubhranshu2009]

@Solyricon One of the biggest early signs: he gets annoyed when you have boundaries.
A good man respects “no.” A manipulative one tries to negotiate it.

[The Green Dragon Tavern @greendragonhq]

I don’t think attempting a 3 point turn is an act of domestic terrorism that warrants an immediate execution.