Not Seb Squillaci

Arsenal Defender. Better than Mertesacker. Good at losing leads.

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Looks like @Arsenal are missing me

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Just had a call from Van Persie. Told me he wants me to join his revolution at Manchester United. I'm still waiting for the call from Barca

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Not a coincidence that Arsenal line up a deal for Rooney after I leave. They knew I'd give him a horrible time in training

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Barcelona and Bayern Munich are thought to be the frontrunners for my signature

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

I'll never forget my time at Arsenal. 3 of the easiest, most financially rewarding years of my life

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Fuck. The bastards finally got rid of me

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Squillaci. Coming to a football pitch near you soon

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

We're playing Stoke today. The fixture in which I scored the greatest goal of all time

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Who is the Nacho bloke? Someone needs to tell Santos he isn't actually food. He just bit his arm off

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

6 more months of Squillaci goodness

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

A famous day "@TeddyEastoe: @SebSquillaci_ My favourite transfer window was the one when you signed. http://t.co/jvSM7Foa"

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

About to survive another transfer window. I'm a genius

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Transfer window has opened again, which means I'm off in to hiding so Wenger can't sell me

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Where the fuck am I? "@guardian_sport: It's here – the final list of the 100 best footballers in the world http://t.co/eCpqBWtJ"

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Messi has never scored against stoke #justsaying

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

I'm gonna do you lot proud tonight. I promise to leave and join Spurs unless I score a hattrick. You wait

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

I'm fucking playing tonight. Watch out

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Gonna give Benitez my number. He could use my commanding, athletic playing style

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Sorry for the absence recently. Arsene won't let me tweet because I told him the little boy inside me is screaming for United.

[Not Seb Squillaci @SebSquillaci_]

Playing for the U21's. Time to teach them a thing or two