Dio

26 M

[braai engineer @BraaiEngineer]

A guy is drinking with his buddy at the pub. They get proper trashed; the guy throws up all over himself.

"Oh no!" he exclaims, “my wife’s gonna kill me! She said she'd leave me if I came home drunk gain.”

His friend says, “Don’t worry, pal. Put a tenner in your pocket and tell her you only had one beer and then a drunk threw up on you and gave you money to have it cleaned.”

"Brilliant!" The guy sticks the tenner in his pocket, and stumbles home.

His wife meets him at the door and goes ballistic about the late hour, the drinking, and the vomit all over his shirt.

“Relax, honey - I can explain. I only had one drink, and then a drunk at the bar threw up all over me, but he put a tenner in my pocket to cover the cleaning.”

She reaches into his pocket and pulls out the cash. “This is a twenty?”

He replies: “I know. He also shit my pants.”

[Rūm @Antiochian_Rum]

these are European sex slaves taken as war bounty

in Islam, sex slaves are not allowed to cover their heads so they can be told aport from the “pious” hijabis

[old toons @oldtoons_]

Thinking about how Dreamworks would punish the animators who missed deadlines on The Prince of Egypt by making them work on Shrek which got known as getting ‘Shreked’.

[Nep🐇 @Nepepperoni]

One time I was playing Botw in the living room when my football-star roommate came home from practice. He saw me walking in a straight line, through an empty field, with no expression on my face. After a few moments he chuckled and said, "Having fun, gamer?"

[§ķŕœłłɛx̌⁰⁴⁴³🇲🇽🦅☦ @palomox0443]

"Es más cristiano un comunista que un cristiano"

[Khaled @VyprCEO]

Bro single-handedly did more to destroy a trillion-dollar propaganda machine than 195 cucked countries

[Phairy Megan @tadgh_dc]

“White men are leaving the workforce”

[JΛCΣ @Elk_Pilled]

life after hitting the red button

[RothStuff (6/7) @PalmTreeRothic]

too big to even fit in the frame

[PurPoll🍉 @Purpoll620]

The funniest part about this scene is that the bridge doesn’t allow people over anyway because it’s magical so they quite literally don’t even need a border patrol but Disney decided to specifically have one for Mexican Heaven

[Mitz 🇪🇬࿇ ☦️ @AdamNill81624]

"Holy spirit is God's wife"
God i seek refuge in you from these people

[Sonic X Fortnite Wave 2 Hype Guy @Sonic_X_Fort]

how silver thought sonic was moving in 06:

[Vanessa jada @Vanessajad7x]

Do you have any ideas 💡

[El kreyben @Elkreyben]

Los Orígenes del Snoot game

Arte de @Upaiai
#HMOFA #Snootgame

[Racon @ItsRaconBit]

NOOO!!!

[FélixDaSauro🔞 @FelixDaSauro]

Now that there's no one around, I want to feel your tongue😝

[Tlauili🐺☀️(!Pixar danos boda!) @Amanecer_lobo]

Después de años entendí que el chiste es que se vistió de judío porque ellos no comen carne de cerdo