Seth Christopherson

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. -Demetri Martin

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

*A woman being proposed to by a man who uses Snapchat*
Woman: Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!
Man: …What did I say?

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

I love people with glasses because glasses are the windows to the windows to the soul

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

@brianbatescomic @DustinNickerson

[Klem @indieklem]

Salut. 👋🏻
#pixelart #indiegames #pixelartist

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

In my experience there are two types of people in this world. Crazy people, and inter-dimensional space aliens living inside the subconsciouses of our politicians, engineers, scientists, all to gain power and push us toward space travel so when we leave they can STEAL OUR PLANET

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

I turned 29 last November so now I’m finally as old as Creed

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

Is there anything trusted less than a VCR clock at noon?

[Julian McKenzie @jkamckenzie]

Damian Warner’s score in the decathlon:

[Linds @lindsayinabox]

excuse me but having huge spiders chase me in animal crossing is NOT the wholesome content I signed up for

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

Do they make Beats by Dre for kids?
Or would Dr. Dre first have to specialize and become a Beatiatrician?

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

I’d be a pretty bad detective, but I think I’d be good at naming the serial killers.
The Suffolk Strangler is ok,
but might I suggest the Suffolkcator?

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

@write_n_seek Oh yes it is

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

I just did the math and based off of how long my dog thinks I’m gone everyday for work, he must also think he’s 261 years old.

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

If you think this year has been annoying, just wait until next January when everyone’s saying “hindsight is 2020” like they’re the first to think of it.

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

I love Easter egg hunts & wanted to do one for my wife, but I only have one egg at home, so the other day I set it aside
Now I can’t remember where I put it & I’ve spent the morning looking for it
My wife noted that I accidentally created a hunt for myself
It’s an Easter miracle!

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

How annoying would it be if your phone number actually WAS scam likely?

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

I’m one of those people who has to eat tictacs two at a time.
It’s not OCD or anything, I just want more tictacs.

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

Having a dog is all about classical conditioning. For instance, when he eats a bar of soap and then vomits all over the place, the fresh smell of Dove can trick your brain into enjoying picking it up.

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

“What kind of person talks on the phone while using a urinal?” I thought to myself, sipping my 48 oz blue slushee one urinal over.

[Seth Christopherson @SethParade]

I saw a man at Target today who looked like Bill Murray, but pretty old.

Then I remembered that Bill Murray is pretty old!

I should have gotten his autograph.