Jacob Shaughnessy

Like a meal prepared by your Grandmother, these tweets should be taken with multiple grains of salt.

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

Independent research has yielded a 100% effective male contraception: Mustard Stained Boxers. Administered by eating Hotdogs in underpants.

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

@Zedek_ That is the best picture.

[WHIP CREAM DREAM @Zedek_]

Retweet or like this post if you want new music from Zedek...

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

@DougBenson Hey bud! Have you seen Split yet?! It's such an fun movie that even if you hate it I would love to hear your take!

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

@MNightShyamalan Dude, The Visit was good. So much fun to watch. But Split!?! Wow Dude. wow... Thanks for making such a fun movie. #split

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

@tinamariealv Hi, and I think we'd have to love to Utah for that kind of relationship to be legal... @KendaTyler

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

The worst part about living in town, as opposed to the country, is that 'outside' and 'inside' have different dress codes.

[Spencer L. Hicks @SpencerLenox]

(•_•)
<) )╯ YES
/ \
(•_•)
<( (> ALL
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> WOMEN
/ \

[ElīshaTheLearner @ElishaLearner]

Trying to find things to tweet is like your mom, easy when drunk.

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

Best Friends: You can trust them with your life, but you should never let them hold the water hose while you try to drink from it.

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

Finally Gradulating! Getting a lot of Congraduations!

[Stephen Nolen @Protowrxs]

Big Brother is You: LAPD has a new tool for crowdsourcing photo and video evidence

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

I mean, I know I am White. I just didn't know I was "You know who Shaq is, right?" White.

[Funny Pokemon @FunnyPokemon]

Drake the type of trainer to use his Master Ball on a Magikarp and say, "you're legendary to me."

[Charis Shaughnessy @CharisDoodle]

Happy #420 #Easter #HitlersBirthday, Jews killed Jesus. Hmmm.

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

A: To see that Collosus thing everyone's been talking about!
Q: Why did the chicken cross Rhodes?

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

@themacktruck_ I really miss that woman! Ms. Arrington is one of the Greats!

[mack 💋 @mackelly___]

Ms. Arrington is at this bridal shower and she's already given me superb life advice and it's been 15 minutes. #favoriteteacher

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

Motivational tip #428: Don't ever think of yourself as 'unoriginal'! Everyone else already does; you would just be proving their point.

[Jacob Shaughnessy @ShaggyJake]

Diet tip #237: Instead of calling it 'bingeing' justify eating that entire pizza as 'Carboloading' in preparation for a (Netflix) marathon.