Shift Report

Markets, tech, gaming, politics, work, and whatever else is off-spec today.

[Shift Report @Shift_Report]

@BrodyLogan Ultimate levels of disrespect using this image 🤦‍♂️

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@Variety In other news - water is wet

[Shift Report @Shift_Report]

SHIFT REPORT — 09/29/26

• BONDS AND OIL KEEP MAKING THINGS EXPENSIVE
U.S. 10-year Treasury yields are hovering near 19-year highs around 5.2%, while Brent remains above $100. Saudi Arabia has restarted oil loadings through Yanbu, but Gulf exports are still relying heavily on slower, more expensive workarounds.

• STARSHIP FINALLY REACHES ORBIT
SpaceX’s Starship reached orbit for the first time and deployed all 26 Starlink V3 satellites. An engine failure shortened the planned 10-hour mission to three.

• ANTHROPIC COMMITS HALF A TRILLION DOLLARS TO AI
Anthropic says it expects to spend at least $518 billion on AI infrastructure over the next decade, with roughly 80% of those commitments effectively non-cancelable. Its IPO filing also warns advanced AI could pose “catastrophic or existential risks to humanity.”

Hell of a risk disclosure.

• MCDONALD’S IS USING AI TO HELP PRICE YOUR BIG MAC
McDonald’s is increasingly using machine learning to recommend individual restaurant prices based partly on what customers in that area appear willing to pay. Franchisees still set their own prices, but the system analyzes millions of transactions to find the “optimal” number.

Apparently even lunch has surge pricing now.

No other issues at turnover.

[Shift Report @Shift_Report]

@RoyalSerf

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@Barchart

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@CultureCrave @pokebeach My ex wife’s kids will love this

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@jbillinson I’ll drink basically anything with a pull tab. This is where I draw the line.

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@Mr_Derivatives Some quant is about to build a $4 billion fund around the McYield trade.

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SHIFT REPORT — 09/28/26

• OIL JUMPS AS U.S.–IRAN TALKS STALL
Crude jumped more than 3% Monday after President Trump rejected Iran’s latest peace proposal, though negotiations are expected to continue this week. Brent climbed to around $108 as uncertainty over the Strait of Hormuz continues to hammer energy markets. If you work anywhere downstream of a barrel of crude, apparently we’re checking the news before checking the gauges again.

• FIVE ARRESTED NEAR U.S.-USED AIRBASE IN BRITAIN
British counterterrorism police are questioning five men on suspicion of terrorism and explosives offenses after three suspicious vans were spotted near RAF Fairford. About 85 nearby households were evacuated while bomb disposal teams examined the vehicles. Authorities are investigating a possible connection to Iran.

• U.S. AND CHINA CUT TARIFFS ON $60 BILLION IN GOODS
The U.S. and China agreed to reduce tariffs on roughly $60 billion worth of trade and extended their current trade truce into January. China will cut tariffs on several U.S. agricultural products including corn, wheat, meat and dairy — but notably left soybeans off the list.

• HURRICANE POLO HEADED FOR BAJA CALIFORNIA SUR
Category 3 Hurricane Polo is expected to make landfall Monday with winds around 115 mph and potentially 6–12 inches of rain. Evacuations, port closures and school cancellations are already underway, with dangerous flooding and mudslides possible.

• RUNAWAY PORTA-POTTIES AT METLIFE
Strong winds sent four portable toilets sliding unattended across the MetLife Stadium parking lot Sunday. Nobody was injured. Facilities has been asked to chock the shitters before the next weather event.

No other issues at turnover.

[Shift Report @Shift_Report]

@InternetH0F Don’t forget - BANG energy drinks don’t count

[Shift Report @Shift_Report]

People hate hearing this because we like pretending everyone is equally replaceable. They’re not.

Remove enough of the people who actually know how to keep the machine running and shit starts going off-spec immediately. Remove the least productive 2% and, operationally, most people probably wouldn’t notice.

[Shift Report @Shift_Report]

The dream job hits different once you’re actually on shift. “I begged for this” and “I’d like to go home now” - both can be true.

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@Kalshi @grok what does this even mean?

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@AmericanNstlg This is what they took from us - my childhood.

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@djcows The newer, flaccid lid container leaves a lot to be desired.

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@snackolator This is dangerously close to just being a bourbon mixer with plausible deniability.

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@zerohedge It’s about time somebody takes charge

[unusual_whales @unusual_whales]

Trump: We will end the Iran war very soon.

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@WhiteHouse @POTUS America First, but General Tso gets diplomatic immunity tonight.

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@Polymarket