Shit Landlords Say

The disturbing and odd thoughts of an apartment building owner.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

I know you find it hard to believe but I really don't have to give you a reason to kick you out.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

I've had 5 assholes in the neighborhood drive on to the lawn and get stuck. What is wrong with these people?

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

This is a great neighborhood is you didn't have kids.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

No, your gothic teen daughter can't paint her bedroom walls & ceiling black. You've failed as a parent. I can't be the 1st to tell you this

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

I couldn't say 'NO KIDS ALLOWED' in the newspaper ad but ya... no kids allowed. Happy mothers day though!

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

No... You can't have 'one of them fancy stoves with the glass' because you renters are fucking animals and will only destroy it.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

FYI: You stand a better chance of getting the apartment if you're better looking than the other applicants. Even if you're a train wreck.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

If you're going to kill yourself please do it in the bath tub so the mess is contained.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

Oh ya... That tenant that cooed like a pigeon also had a lazy eye. She was a mess.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

I had a tenant one time that sounded like a pigeon cooing when she was happy. I don't have a joke for this... Just useless trivia.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

No, I don't want you to add me to Facebook.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

I knew you were an idiot as soon as you counted out the rent and ended up saying: 2, 4, 6, 8 then added 'who do we appreciate'. Fuck me!

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

I don't care how fucking well behaved your dog is... I said no dogs.

[Shit Landlords Say @ShitLandlords]

Never rent to friends or family. They're the worst.