SimonC 🇺🇦🌻

Tea Sock-in-waiting

[Pure Electric @pureelectric_uk]

🏁 Win a one-of-a-kind scooter signed by Lando Norris & Oscar Piastri, wrapped in McLaren’s 1000GP livery 🧡

Free entry 👉 https://t.co/DKTcEmkVlW

Like, follow & share for extra chances. Ends 6 July.

18+. T&Cs apply.

[🇨🇭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿InLucysHead🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇨🇭© @InsideLucysHead]

Government...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo..

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ..

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep. .....

Now give me back my dog.

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

@IKEAUKSupport Our kitchen fitter has not turned up and has emailed to say he cannot now do the job before Christmas. I had started dismantle and disposal of kitchen in anticipation of the new one being fitted this week. Not great with Christmas 3 weeks away... Any ideas?

[artiF1ed @artiF1ed]

This is so frustrating. I just want to share my auction. Please help me get it out there. https://t.co/3ZARBZg6TF

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

@LNER @LNER. So now I have to stand for the journey to Edinburgh from Peterborough. Even more annoyed at the Tw@t with the title on the 08:30 from Kings Cross. Terrible service and apparently nobody’s responsibility. #takethePlane

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

@LNER your train manager on the 08:30 KGX to EDB announces tickets for cancelled 09:00 service invalid. Ticket office and platform staff think OK. Am not on the train as manager inflexible. Who is right and who compensates for the aggravation caused by petty bureaucrat?

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

@LNER So problem solved. I shall catch the 08:30… oh no, I cannot as I am not on it anymore due to the manager’s insistence that it had to be the slower and later 09:30. #greatathisjob…

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

@LNER just for the record, the advice was an announcement and a direct question to the manager.

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

@TEDchris I was one of the 200 and the happy memory of what that money did for 'me' through what i was able to do for others is something I shall carry with me for the rest of my days. Truly inspirational, joyful and eye opening.

[Joe Lycett @joelycett]

A statement from Miss Sue Idge
https://t.co/lXb12MyxBS

[John Simpson @JohnSimpsonNews]

Remembering today not just the family members who fought and died in two world wars, but also my handsome, charming great-uncle Harold whose life was ruined by his injuries in WW1 and who died, homeless and alone, on a bench at Waterloo station in 1960; not a lifestyle choice.

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

Such memories, my apartment overlooked this Garden. Donny's article is a great guide to this wonderful oasis of calm.

[A Different Side of Japan @donnyjkimball]

You don’t need to go far to see autumn’s majesty in Japan..

Koishikawa Korakuen
A Tranquil Garden in Central Tokyo
https://t.co/UUAWAyk5dK

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

You're more than welcome! 👍

[CATERHAM F1.CO.UK @KevTs]

A nice CT01 wheel and tyre, perfect for my video to be released in November about the tyres on the rebuilt CT05#1. This is a show tyre thanks to Simon!

[CATERHAM F1.CO.UK @KevTs]

A nice CT01 wheel and tyre, perfect for my video to be released in November about the tyres on the rebuilt CT05#1. This is a show tyre thanks to Simon!

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

Great day out @airtattoo today. Lots of great flying and a fair bit of shower dodging!

[Auschwitz Memorial @AuschwitzMuseum]

10 July 1888 | Dutch Jew, Hartog Velleman, was born in Rotterdam.

He was deported to #Auschwitz from #Westerbork in September 1942. He was murdered in a gas chamber after arrival selection.

[SimonC 🇺🇦🌻 @SiCrad]

Fundraiser by Amanda Evans : Lily-Mae’s Modern Pentathlon Competitions https://t.co/i47ik2Npwl

[... - ..- 𝚂𝚝𝚞 @_Alfista]

few days ago I replied to a tweet, saying that my local Timpsons guy was a legend, uber helpful beyond his job remit, always cheery & up for a chat with customers. We often talk F1 & Alfa Romeo (he has a 147 that needs work, is SORN no MOT). Yesterday he called me over to him 1/n

[Alan Ferrier @alanferrier]

As an antidote to that poisonous Britain First weasel having a go at the lifeboats, I give you Bill Bryson.

[Daniel Bath @daniel_bath]

Of course she's brilliant and working with her is the greatest blessing a scruffy music teacher like me could dream of.
But Lucy is what happens when you make instrumental tuition available to disadvantaged children.
Help us to get this message across to those who decide.