The most manipulative but effective thing I’ve ever done in my life was when I read an article about how children moderate their behavior to protect their self-identity, so if a child believes he’s smart, for example, he’ll intentionally study and try to do well to protect his image of himself.
Anyway, I would pull kids aside with behavioral issues at church and tell them, “David (obviously fake name), you’re such a kind person and such a good listener. I can see that in you. Thank you for always listening.” “Little Annie, thank you for taking such good care of the babies around you. You’re going to be such a good big sister. Can you be in charge of watching Sally?”
They would ALWAYS behave afterward. ALWAYS. Worked like a charm. Morally questionable because it wasn’t initially true, but I kind of willed it into existence. Tbf, I did think that they had that in them or I wouldn’t have tried.
Will publish longitudinal results of this method once my kid is old enough to report back.
If someone is giving you a lift and their driving is uncomfortable, please inform them to take it easy. You deserve to feel safe even as a passenger.
Let's not undermine the importance of safe driving
Be thankful for the small achievements in your life.
Don't live another person's life.
Run your race. It is fulfilling.
Be patient. Your reward will come.
Guys, always stand up to shake hands. If the other person is older than you, it shows respect. If they are younger than you, it shows humility. Either way, you win. People who sit to shake hands are bad-mannered.
When you shake hands, do not just offer a limp hand... even to an elder! Make sure that your handshake is firm. It shows confidence and fitness.
Then make sure that you look into the person’s eyes. It shows interest, attention and confidence. Don’t look away furtively like a liar and a thief!
Remember, as a man, there should be nothing limp or flaccid about you. You should always be polite and gracious, quietly confident (not arrogant, that is for inferior men) and erect. Always erect!
I am Ezemmuo. I know things.
As you get older..
You realize you were frustrated all through the journey mostly coz you kept hoping for a ‘big break’/a miracle
Better keep building and keep growing jeje.
the best thing you can do for yourself is actively increase your surface area for luck to hit you. go outside, try new cafes, museums, events, take a new route home, speak to people, ask questions, side quest.
the more you do, the more serendipity and synchronicity will find you.
ليتني وجدت من ينصحني هذه النصيحة في مقتبل عمري
قال الإمام أحمد بن حنبل رحمه الله:
«يُستحبُّ للرجلِ كتمانُ ثلاثة: ذهبُه، وذهابُه، ومذهبُه»
ذهبك: مالك، ونعمتك، وما تملكه من خير؛ فكل ذي نعمة محسود.
ذهابك: خططك، ومشاريعك، وما تنوي فعله؛ فالكتمان أعون على الإنجاز.
مذهبك: تفاصيل حياتك الخاصة، وقناعاتك التي لا تهم الآخرين؛ لتبقى مهاباً وبعيداً عن الجدل
One minute, you and your classmates are gathered around the class bin, sharpening pencils.
Next minute, you’re attending each other’s weddings and naming ceremonies.
Time.
Today, in honour of our fallen heroes, I attended the Grand Finale of the 2026 Armed Forces Remembrance Day celebration at the Cenotaph, Asaba.
At the event, I also reviewed the parade by men and officers of the Nigerian Armed Forces before laying a wreath.
David sits in his car. The engine is off, but he hasn't moved for ten minutes.
He is parked in the driveway of the house he pays for, staring at the front door. Inside, the lights are warm. He can see the silhouette of his wife, Sarah, moving in the kitchen. He can see his daughter watching TV. It looks like a perfect life.
But David isn't soaking it in. He is hyperventilating.
He grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. He is taking these ten minutes to put the "mask" back on.
At work today, he lost a major client. The company is downsizing. He might not have a job in three months. The panic is a physical weight on his chest, crushing his lungs. He wants to walk inside, fall into Sarah’s arms, and say, "I’m scared. I don’t know if I can keep holding this up. I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay."
But he doesn't.
He remembers three years ago. His mother died. He broke down in front of Sarah. He cried. Really cried. He saw the look in her eyes shift. From comfort to fear.
The "Rock" had crumbled, and she didn't know how to look at him anymore. The attraction faded for months.
He learned his lesson: He is allowed to be sad, but he is not allowed to be helpless.
So, in the darkness of the driveway, David swallows the panic. He fixes his tie. He checks his reflection in the rearview mirror and practices the smile. The "I'm fine" smile.
He opens the car door and walks inside.
"Hey, honey! You're late," Sarah says, not looking up from her phone. "Did you remember to transfer the tuition fees? The school sent a reminder."
She didn't bother to ask how he is.
"Yeah, I did it," David says, kissing her cheek. She accepts the kiss, but she doesn't lean into it. That moment, he felt like he is just part of the furniture. A utility provider that keeps the lights on.
Later that night, in bed, David reaches out. He runs his hand down her arm, starving for a touch that isn't transactional. He just wants to feel desired. He wants to know he matters.
Sarah sighs. A heavy, annoyed sigh. "David, I'm exhausted. The kids were a nightmare today. Can we just sleep?"
He pulls his hand back immediately, humiliated. The "Beggar Dynamic" kicks in. He feels gross for even asking. He turns his back to her, staring at the wall.
Lying there, in the house he built, next to the woman he loves, David realizes the terrifying truth:
If he died tomorrow, they would miss him.
But if he went broke tomorrow, hmm...
He realizes he isn't loved unconditionally like his daughter or the dog. He is on a performance contract. As long as the payments clear, he is allowed to stay.
He closes his eyes. The panic returns. But he stays silent.
Because the only safe space he has left is inside his own head.