Simon Evans

Generally baffled & bewildered. Rugby bruised.

[Gareth Harney @OptimoPrincipi]

A discovery made on this day in 1544 👀

[Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish]

Twelve of the finest (Unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio.

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria, I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie ( Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros is feeling great today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.'

10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
😁😁

[Antigone Journal @AntigoneJournal]

What are the oldest numbers in English? Well, before the Normans, the Anglo-Saxons, and even the Romans turned up, the Britons spoke Brythonic Celtic languages. Remarkably, the bare bones of that counting system are still preserved by some rural sheep farmers. Take the numbers for 1-10 in Cumbria's Borrowdale valley: yan, tyan, tethera, methera, pimp (5), sethera, lethera, hovera, dovera, dick (10).
This not only echoes Celtic languages such as Welsh (pump 5, deg 10), but all manner of Indo-European languages, such as Ancient Greek (pente 5, deka 10). The numbers have been gradually altered to give good rhythm and rhyme for speed-counting sheep as they rush into the pen; different parts of Northern England (and a few pockets elsewhere) inevitably evolved slight differences in form. Shepherds counted to twenty before starting again, but made a mark on their crook: so twenty is a "score".

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

The fact that Billy Oceans's Love Really Hurts Without You has never been used in an ad campaign for KY Jelly ought to shame the advertising industry.

[Dean @D2O0J02]

A bus has hit a gantry bridge at Northampton general hospital

#northampton @BBCNorthampton

[A-P @rugby_ap]

Fundamentally; rugby’s problem is not accessibility. Any young boy or girl anywhere in the world can pick up and object and throw it around in an open space with your mates - and pretty much that’s all you need to start. Mapimpi started his journey with a 2L Coke bottle stuffed with plastic bags.

Neither does it have a problem with the product. The broadcast figures will come out soon enough but you can bet every record has been shattered this RWC. The attendances and the viewership was fantastic. The quality of the rugby exceptional.

In short it’s not the pipeline or the product that is the issue. It’s the marketing. The sport has far too many detractors within it’s own ranks. Stephen Jones and his ilk are doing far more to kill the game than a few box kicks. Combine that with a pretty non-existent effort to expand the game globally and that’s where the issue lies.

[Simon Evans @Simon_Ev]

@MarcherMedia1 @evrfc @RfcAbergavenny Sounds perfect apart from the FeelingFoul🍺

[Rugby Europe @rugby_europe]

🏆Mark your cards, here are the pool fixtures, which is then followed by the semi-finals and then Grand Finals!

📺 All games will be streamed and available to watch for free on https://t.co/lQ3qnMUZ6M

[Francisco Isaac @francisaac87]

Waiting for my final trip to finally sit my behind in my chair

So, can I tell you a short story? It's about how some things can seem insignificant in the beggining but can become something important

Let's gooooo

[ESPN Scrum @espnscrum]

Incredible scenes‼️

Thousands of fans waited for Portugal's arrival following their first World Cup win.

You love to see it.

[Andrew Neil @afneil]

When I was young antisemitism was dominated by the knuckle dragging far right. Plastic fascists but frightening nevertheless. Today antisemitism is largely the preserve of a hard left which celebrates everything that makes a civilised society impossible — Islamist dictatorship, death worship, extreme religious cults, random violence, misogyny, nihilism and various varieties of medieval barbarism. All because they hate western liberal democracy — which is what the Palestine-obsessed left hates too.

[Paul Williams @thepaulwilliams]

France have always got a lump on their feet.

Even after ten phases.

Scrumhalf just looks up.

And there's something from Lord of the Rings waiting, with their hands out.

[Yorkie 'B' 🏴‍☠️ RN VD and Scar..🇬🇧 @RenownVet21]

I asked my GP if there was anything better than over the counter hemorrhoids stuff as I was trying to avoid the time off work for surgery.
She suggested using teabags as a cold compress as the tea shrinks them and soothes some of the pain.
I decided to try it, but I only ever use loose leaf tea, but the principle’s the same, so I scooped the leaves out of the cold pot and used a wad of kitchen towel to hold them in place.
A couple of week’s later and I’m back at the Doctors.
She gets me to drop my trousers and lie on the couch on one side. I hear her draw up her chair, the lights dimmed slightly and she said. “Well, your hemorrhoids aren’t getting any better, but you are going on a journey. You will meet a tall dark handsome stranger.....”

[The Empire scrapbook @DiariesEmpire]

Nelson and Wellington after meeting in Castlereagh's office.
Slight error in the picture.

[Simon Evans @Simon_Ev]

@BurnsideNotTosh Eventually

[ColostomyUK @ColostomyUK]

After recovery from #stoma surgery, people can feel pain and discomfort in the rectal or perineal area. The causes, coping strategies and treatment options are covered in our Pain and Discomfort booklet, downloadable here https://t.co/JOAD4Mj1Kj

#wednesdaywisdom #stoma101

[Squidge Rugby @SquidgeRugby]

Emiliano Boffelli wins Man of the Match by virtue of being the only player not to do something monumentally stupid at any point

[Antigone Journal @AntigoneJournal]

So, as per your votes, here is the coin to be raffled: a silver denarius minted in Rome in 89 BC, when Marius, Sulla and Cicero roamed the world. The moneyer, Lucius Tatius Sabinus, plays upon his last name by depicting the King of the Sabines, Titus Tatius on one side, and Roman men on the reverse abducting Sabine women from their husbands. This was an infamous tale so often told about the turbulent first year of Rome (753/2 BC). The coin has clearly done the rounds in many an ancient hand, but the last picture from a much better specimen gives a good idea of how it once looked.
If you would like to be in the draw, on the evening of Sunday 24 September, just RT this message and the first name we draw from our followers will have it sent to them, anywhere in the world.
Felix esto : good luck!

[Louvain Rees ⚰️ @hellohistoria]

#ThickTrunkTuesday 🌳

The Yew was regarded as the gentle guardian of the dead 💀

It was formerly revered so much in Wales that to cut it down was considered an act of desecration, while to burn any part of it was looked upon as sacrilege 🔥

#Wales #History

[NCVO @NCVO]

We’re seeking a successor for the chair of our finance & commercial committee (treasurer) who steps away in autumn 2024. Do you have:

➡️Strategic thinking skills
➡️Experience in commercial/financial leadership
➡️A passion for the voluntary sector

Apply: https://t.co/cJ1kQLvAWT