TimothyJ

I tweet about my life, my family, and my thoughts.

New one:

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

My daughter just said, "Amen, brother." And suddenly I'm raising Hulk Hogan.

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

@GeorgeResch And overnight

[hughcfishing @hughcfishing]

Thanks for the support! My truck is stock though

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

Nothing says cherry picker more than a cop car in a school zone.

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

@GeorgeResch Do you know the reasoning for banning helping people with food and water while they're in line?

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

My one year-old is more blocked up than the Suez Canal.

[NicholasG @Dad_At_Law]

9 playing dumb about the candy wrappers under her bed saying “I don’t even like that stuff” like she’s 16 and we found her pot.

[Annie Way @Anniewritess]

I've come to terms with what I look like from the front. Do not show me other angles, I am not mentally prepared

[Laura Marie @lmegordon]

There's no "right time" to be a parent, but I think we can say with some certainty that a pandemic is the wrong time.

[The Dad @thedad]

Love how in Still D.R.E. by Dr Dre, he describes how great he's livin and he puts "barbeques every day" right alongside drivin fancy cars

Grill D.R.E. 🍖

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

@spicydisaster27 It's like all momentum stops.

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

Keurig: *needs more water*

Me:*goes back to bed*

[TimothyJ @SirTJP]

It's a good day with Sauron and Obi-Wan are trending.

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

I just hit "if you don't stop doing that then I'm going to shove it where the sun doesn't shine" stage of parenting threat.

[Luke ☀️ @RaDadtouille]

W- absolutely drilled the diaper to trash can fade away from downtown.

L- I forgot I’d just emptied the vacuum. Dirt and dog hair everywhere.

[Nickelforward @NickelForward]

RIP Samson. You would have loved hair extensions

[Benny, the Dirty Mocha @GotJbenny]

If only back aches burned calories.

[Maxou @maxoupial]

It's normal for blood to smell like iron because of the microchip.

[Lisa C.☕ @Lisacossey1]

If my family had a group chat I would dedicate all my free time to learning how to make a response bot.

[weird ass places @weirdassplaces]

I will be a taking a break from twitter. I will be back in 15sec when I forget why I put my phone down.