🐟

[🐟 @SkyMower]

😳

[Bridgewater Police (Massachusetts) @BwtrPolice]

05/23/2026 10:40AM Caller from South/Pleasant Street reports male party wearing camo clothing and possibly carrying a bazooka in the area. Officer reports male is landscaper with leaf blower.

[n🎏🍵🌊 @fishilus]

I finally got a cat! I thought the cat distribution system would never reach me, but I got lucky 🍀

[jake @wormpuller]

I drank chug jugs in places you wouldn’t sip minis at

[🐟 @SkyMower]

@zanyflea @JDRockwellJr There’s nothing more expensive than a cheap bmw.

[matt @mattybtweets69]

Had a few nights like this

[Pancho @mybadbrah]

modern dating is going out with someone and having the most beautiful night of your life for 9 hours thinking you met your wife then they ghost you the next day cuz they got the ick when u sent them an apple music link

[Mads @europemaxxed]

How it feels to day drink on an empty stomach

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

you could be havin the worst day of ur fuckin life and here comes ur fat ass cat begging for food again

[Bisexual ShadowTHEY @_Draitto_]

Democrat: IF ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS ALIVE TODAY HE WOULD BE WOKE!!!

Conservative: NO HE WOULD NOT BE WOKE!!!

Abraham Lincoln if he was alive today: FUCKKKKKKKK I HATE IMAGINE DRAGONS

[johntheman_heiscome_heisme_PREACHTRUTHILLUMINATIPl @heiscomeheisme]

FIRST YOU MUST LEARN TO DRIVE DRUNK ... ONLY THEN CAN YOU LEARN SOBER

[lisa @gaykittycorps]

hitler is alive and his spirit operates the shipping company DHL

[6ɪx✦ @ok6ixx]

These can't be the Hoes Bruno Mars was tryna catch grenades for

[Roy Drones Jr @chiweethedog]

Claiming immigrants and their children when it’s convenient and useful for you. Fucking spineless snakes.

[Mrs Too Damn Media Literate @bobo_circus]

TO: Jeffrey Epstein
FROM: Elon Musk

Do you, uh, are you having any "special parties" this weekend? I need to, erm, meet over 9000 Epic Derpinas. Just make sure you don't invite the Overly Attached Girlfriend, am I right XD

TO: Elon Musk
FROM: Jeffrey Epstein

sorry just died

[n @noorrbit]

there is 0 fish in the sea