Dave Shay

Philly comedy person.

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Clinical depression is the medical condition of "getting it."

[Gritty ~ The Lost Decades @GrittyStories]

Worst thing about GLP-1 drugs are the vivid nightmares of Hamburglar and Bob’s Big Boy. (Best thing about them is sh00ting up right in the Rite Aid parking lot.)

John’s Roast Pork is still the 🐐!

[Gritty ~ The Lost Decades @GrittyStories]

Yo, ready? Bar Rescue, but for civilization.

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

When today’s 14 year olds collectively discover Tenacious D era #JackBlack they will collectively lose their ever loving minds. 📈📈

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

A serene calm washes over my brain as #WWE introduces State Farm, Cricket Mobile, and Snickers to streaming giant Netflix, just as the creator intended.
[THX sound]

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

My #fantasyfootball league is getting too intense, last place required to document sincere effort auditioning for Blue Man Group.

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Taylor Swift’s eyes don’t go from opaque-white to “normal” until she wakes up and drinks tears of unbaptised babies. This update is brought to you by Budweiser.

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Gramps has been spending too much time in hospitals. We checked into a hotel this morning and he couldn’t think of the word “luggage-cart” or “dolly” so he said, “Where’s the… suitcase-gurney?” (Is dementia usually associated with winning a Nobel Prize?”)

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Serious question, does anybody know how to follow large tobacco companies on social media? It’s fine if it’s just the parent company, but this has been surprisingly difficult to google. #BigTobacco #Truth #TomWaits

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Okay but I bet he sleeps like a baby!

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

@NoahBuiltTheARK @donttellcomedy The testicular self-examination bit is really goddamn funny.

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

*Will Smith walking in on Jada with one of her side-dudes* IMA LET U FINISH!

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Coworker goes, “Zelenskyy got that “Cuomo Phase 1” vibe. 🤯

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Confession: My nemesis from the group chat just described that Danish movie about midlife winos as “Hamlet with four Yoricks” and I don’t hate it. 🇩🇰🍸

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

The vibe at Rowan vaccine mega site is jury duty narrated by Dan Carlin.
(Four Stars, would totally get Shot One again!!)

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

The least apropos song to blast while getting vaccinated is Eminem “Lose Yourself” thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[Paid Extra to Yell @bird_facts_]

Pandemic Day 25: I made bread :)

Day 95: I sure do miss my friends

....

Day 310: The White House appears to be under the control of a shirtless man in a Viking helmet

Day 330: Reddit’s coordinated attack on Wall Street is going as planned

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Marijuana types are like, “I heard the Pennsylvania vaccine has sort of a minty taste, but Vermont gets you mad immune.”

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

@TVsAndyDaly In annoyance at dry January, I just watched 3 hours of you reading Laphroaig reviews. Hour 1 was entertaining. By hour 3, my previously separatist sympathies for Scottish independence had dissolved beyond retrieval.
Have a great day!

[Dave Shay @SlackerDIYtoday]

Biden on Trump’s letter: “Maybe we’ve mis-judged him. He seems thoughtful and compassionate, and he liked Bridgerton‘s diverse representation.”

[Chris Fleming @chrisfluming]

normies are getting creative