Rip

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@corpseinorbit He announced that Anthony Kiedis had died and we didn’t have smartphones to check whether it was part of the bit.

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@TheRealKitty019 @curtis_yarvin This is known.

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@clashreport @Grassophile

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@skre_0

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@Prak_Agrajag The baseball pitcher Marcus Stroman felt that way too. Pitching is extremely strenuous, and he threw right-handed, so he would simulate throwing the same number of pitches left-handed after every game he pitched. Probably some OCD in there too but it feels like a good idea.

[Rip @Sleepiary]

I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally. You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little girl - reading her stories at bedtime, making her go to sports practice, making sure she had a healthy diet, educating her, playing with her. All of it has one simple result: her body is more enjoyable for the men that will eventually fuck her in every hole.

Raised the perfect girl? Great. Who benefits? If you're lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. He gets to fuck her tight pussy every night. He gets the benefits of her kind and sweet personality that came from the way you raised her.

As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL cuck. Think about it logically.

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@cody__cubs First elite vendor since the “heyguysbudLIGHT” guy from almost a decade ago.

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@nomchompskii Every disappointment just makes it that much better when they finally win.
t. Cubs fan

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@2170cell

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@Prak_Agrajag I think I agree the president shouldn’t be the one broadcasting it, but I feel strongly that Americans should be exposed to this stuff regularly until uh circumstances improve.

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@nomchompskii @RyanQualtrics @utahmammoth I still intensely dislike the singular name but this helps a lot.

[Awful Announcing @awfulannouncing]

"Right in the Easter basket." - Jim Deshaies #MLB

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@Prak_Agrajag

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Jurassic Park but the just-believable-enough technology is some sort of stem-cell therapy that essentially resets the patient’s age to early adulthood. Hypothesized by young scientist who’s an obsessive Jordan fan and wants him—alone—to fund R&D, share the patent, and be the first patient. It’ll cost billions but MJ’s got it and would rather die broke than miss another chance to pick up a basketball. It works and the plot’s pretty much Rocky 3 from there. Maybe a Rookie of the Year twist near the end when he starts rapidly aging with a three-game lead during the Finals and has to outwit his opponents and/or humble himself to rely on the young teammates he initially loathed but has grown to love more than his own thankless children. Trailer heavily features Mary J. Blige’s “Overjoyed” from the Jordan XV commercial. Box-office receipts and streaming numbers inconceivable.

[NBA Courtside @NBA__Courtside]

Michael Jordan was asked if he still misses basketball:

“100%. It’s not just a tiny bit, it’s a huge piece. I’ve compensated that feeling through NASCAR. That urge to dream that I wish I could still pickup a basketball, I would love to do that. Believe me. My competitive juices, yeah I would definitely love to do that.”

(Via @CBSMornings)

[Pickswise @Pickswise]

MLB OPENING DAY TODAY

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@AbudBakri

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@Howlingmutant0 @NickSwardson Le epic “eagles suck” maymay

[Sam Blum @SamBlum3]

Shohei Ohtani’s grand slam ball went to Hikaro Kudo, who is here with his mother.

On what it means to have the ball:

“It’s the best time of my life.”

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@2170cell @Rainmaker1973 Big corn guy