smart azz

[Tony P. @Tbone7219]

Fuck this.
Fuck that.
Fuck him.
Fuck her.
Fuck them.
Fuck you.
Fuck me.
Fuck no.
Fuck yes.
Fuck off.

~ My thoughts on 2O20

[Tony P. @Tbone7219]

Hey, people who always back into parking spaces .... you're not impressing no one.

[Tony P. @Tbone7219]

Your neck tattoo says "thug life" but the pink curtains in your selfie says "I sleep on a foldout couch at my grandmothers basement."

[Linda @turtledumplin]

He came, he liked all my selfies, he left without following ... Twitter's version of a one night stand.

[Linda @turtledumplin]

How many stupid questions do I need to ignore before you realize I’m not answering.

[Linda @turtledumplin]

Pretty soon I won’t need a TV tray, I can just use my belly to set my snacks on.

[Rock @TheCensoredRock]

Coworker: hey where's your mask?

Me: get the fuck away from me

[smart azz @SmartAzzPrick]

Dude, your in your forties eat the got damn bread crust!!

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

My 11yo isn't too happy when his parents run into his room doing the Harlem Shake while he's on FaceTime. We're such dicks.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

It's hard to find Miley Cyrus attractive when you remember she was hatched from an egg.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

I'm surprised that Piers Morgan hasn't come out talking about how we need to ban meteors.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

My 11yo missed two free throws yesterday, so I'm thinking about revoking his whiteness card.

[Steven @101Racey]

Your teeth are about as white as Kim Kardashian's taste in men.

[Steven @101Racey]

I'll have a little of whatever God was on when he invented seahorses please.

[Steven @101Racey]

The other day I went so far back into someone's timeline I ended up on their MySpace page.

[Steven @101Racey]

Ran a bath, checked Twitter, flooded Europe.

[smart azz @SmartAzzPrick]

At what point in your life did you say "fuck it" and start wearing Ecko clothes.

[Jay Royal @lilhungrymang]

So I "enlarged" your avi and it was smaller than the original.

You'll be hearing from my lawyers.

[Jay Royal @lilhungrymang]

Whatever, "Geoff". Maybe YOU'RE not pronouncing it right.

[Jay Royal @lilhungrymang]

WHERE MY DOGS AT? ARE MY DOGS IN THE HOUSE? no seriously guys I lost my pomeranians, here take a flyer man. God bless