AMercifulGord

RTs exclusively. I'd rather be known for my good taste than terrible cooking

[carly @carlymccarly]

elbows up

[regular sized ackman @pleas4nt]

Odysseus' men: [untying him from the mast]

Odysseus: they were just yelling "if you don't come over here you're gay!" over and over

Odysseus' men: diabolical

[dev 2 @devy_nation]

she asked if ive seen the odyssey and I told her I odyssey them titties

[Bryn, Muppet Enthusiast @Brynbikes]

Penelope -"Oh Odysseus, I'm glad your'e back. I was worried the sea people were coming"

Odysseus:

[Dr Dick Gargantuan, DMD @MikeJazzpenis]

Actually doctors say that needing to strain really hard to take a shit and then having it all blast out at once means everything is working like it’s supposed to

[owen cyclops @owenbroadcast]

people will know you like odd and weird stuff, and then show you something zany or wacky. those are completely different frequencies my man

[Girth Brooks @crackawdajuice]

My coworkers are constantly creating new smells in the microwave. They are eating straight up seagull meat

[Clark Impastato @clark_impastato]

LoL 👍🏻💯👍🏻

[🎮 @foreeeeeal]

girlfriend: now don't start weird conversations with my dad tonight

me: fine

*later*

me: (immediately) ah rugs, the coward's carpet

[bobby @bobby]

the most difficult part of parenting is when you’re trying to be a hardass because your kid isn’t eating dinner and then she points to the picture of elmo on her cup and says “this guy’s name is Gumper.”

[soc @socrypt]

How I want my wife to react after I crack open my 12th beer on a weekday

[very tall bart @TallBart]

Future historians will study this day for generations

Future historian: (Getting sucked by an alien) Fuuuck

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

In a huge argument with my gastroenterologist right now. I say that the gold wrapping on Modelo bottles is edible and he's got some X-rays that say it's not

[Ricky Hollywood @victim_burn77]

Hey this is my homie who makes sure the dentist doesn’t touch me gay style when I’m knocked out by the gas and my other homie who watches him for the same reason

[Courtney Howard @Lulamaybelle]

A perfect #TheOdyssey fan edit doesn’t ex—

[Hammillionaire @Hammilionaire]

words can’t describe how much i love this video

[Missy Meredithy @Missy_Murdoch]

the number of pretzel sticks I just spilled in my bed is not reflective of who I am as a person

[3 dot moron ● ● ● @punished_moron]

unfortunately have discovered the most amazing little perfect new bar in my neighborhood and when I walked in the first thing the bartender said was "don't get too attached to godzilla, we're about to put on jeopardy"

[sullen @fakepalindromes]

Napoleon’s letter to Josephine, 1796