Stephen

Fruit snacks and cups of Patron.

[Stephen @SoLongStephen]

Million Dollar Walmart idea:
Meth lab supply aisle.

[Inappropriate Charm @LackOfShame]

Teenagers are know-it-all assholes, but at least they let you sleep in on weekends.

[elizabeth @Elizasoul80]

YES WE CAN EVEN

-Revolutionary white girl political slogan

[elizabeth @Elizasoul80]

I was lying when I said "Hi".

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

Freelancer is just a cute name for unemployed.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

"OH MY NOTHING"

"OH MY NOTHING"

- Atheists having sex

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

Hackers stole billion of passwords?

Joke is on you. I've been waiting for someone to steal my debt.

[truth'n soul is dead @mrtruthandsoul]

I'll play duck-duck-goose and give all gooses. I don't give a duck.

[truth'n soul is dead @mrtruthandsoul]

Show me on the doll where your wife doesn't touch you

[truth'n soul is dead @mrtruthandsoul]

Twitter is the government's elaborate plan to keep us all off the streets

[truth'n soul is dead @mrtruthandsoul]

According to WebMD, given my symptoms, I died 9 years ago.

[Dr. Kat McSnatch 🦨 @KatMcSnatch]

All I want is a guy who can make me laugh and feel safe... So, basically, a clown-ninja.

[Stephen @SoLongStephen]

A fav and RT a day keeps the Ebola away.

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

I just drove by a Walmart and three of my teeth fell out

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

A teenage girl is really nothing more than Satan with an iPhone

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

"Kids are great when you need help around the house."

- People who don't have kids

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

Facebook has become the Wal Mart of the internet

[Stephen @SoLongStephen]

When @PRAYINGFORHEAD follows you. http://t.co/ljBptU0xiH

[Stephen @SoLongStephen]

@PRAYINGFORHEAD the best one yet lol

[Mike Mentalpause @BareChesty]

911: What's your emergency?
Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead
911: Can you verify that he's dead?
*gunshot*
Me: Yep, he's dead