Dominos Pizza

You are cooler than me

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Friend: You got any bitcoin?

Me: Duh

Friend: Oh yeah? Show me!

Me:

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

I’ll be happy when @pizzahut ends it’s sponsorship of NAMBLA https://t.co/DCU7HwjA4z

[CNN Breaking News @cnnbrk]

Papa John's announces it is ending its sponsorship of the NFL https://t.co/BoOULcHPrk

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Not sure if I’m more shocked that @justinbieber follows @McDonalds or that I follow @justinbieber

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Wow @lorde has HUGE hands https://t.co/nvgChlaFOZ

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Eat a whole pint of @benandjerrys alone in your underwear day
#RenameValentinesDay

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

“bout” time I get vaccinated https://t.co/EyIW2OOhML

[The Washington Post @washingtonpost]

She survived her first bout with the flu — but not the second https://t.co/0vSvAwUR4E

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

@dog_rates @FlurryandBea What beach is she hiking to? Asking for a friend

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Honestly a Honda is probably more comfortable https://t.co/UdDm99zFa8

[FUTURE/FREEBANDZ @1future]

U gone cry in a honda or Ferrari? Slime. Voice

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Me: *orders @jimmyjohns delivery*

*knock on door 20 min later*

Delivery guy: hi delivery for sombrero dog

Me: I mean that was fast but not freaky fast

Delivery guy: *pulls sandwich out of pant zipper*

Me: Nice!

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Pope: God has a plan for all of us!

Atheist: No he doesn’t

Pope: Uh huh...How do you explain that @Drake song then?

Atheist: True..I do love “Hotline Bling”

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Has anyone ever been into a Pizza Hut that wasn’t a dump?

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

@Brazzers #SuperBowl

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Until now I thought @jtimberlake and @Pharrell were the same person

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Pizza guy: Alright so I have you down for a large pizza...you want any toppings like pepperoni,spinach?

Me: Olive it!

Pizza guy: alright all toppings it is

Me: *uncomfortably hangs up phone*

Pizza guy: Hello? *hangs up*

Me: that’s the last time I’m calling my crazy dad!

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

I can’t really tell if Fritos are good

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Some crazy (probably high) dude: Did you know that every president ever has been somehow related to royalty and uhh fuckin bush did 9/11?! Also ravioli is straight fuckin trash!

Chef Boyardee: C’mon man....not cool

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

@SenRonJohnson looks like he is trying to stop @tomhanks from finding the holy grail #Thedavincicode

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

I think they should call crunchy peanut butter “peanut butter made by a lazy person”

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Taco Bell drive thru guy: Enjoy your food!

Me: You too!

Me after I drive away: fuck its 2018 I can’t assume that he eats just because he is a person

[Dominos Pizza @Sombrerodog]

Trump: I want McDonald’s

WH Doctor: okay but how about you get the regular happy meal instead of the mighty kids meal

Trump: fine but I want the mighty toy

WH Doctor: okay?

Trump: I am the greatest deal maker of all time