Special District

Daily Humor (#resist).

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

“I wrote this poem for you, Mister Putin, to inspire peace and... he’s not listening. He’s leaving the room... and now I can see him heading out of the building through the window... and he just shot a guy.”

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

GUY: “never give up! I didn’t break through in my industry until I was 56.”

ME: “oh cool. What do you do?”

GUY: “light heavyweight boxer”

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

Every Aaron Sorkin movie is like:

“1 brilliant Aaron Sorkin teams up with 4 other Aaron Sorkins to outwit a rival Aaron Sorkin and win the love of another, slightly more timid Aaron Sorkin”

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

Well, marijuana is now legal in New York.

So I guess that means New Yorkers can finally start smoking marijuana.

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

Is the goldfish sushi image meant to look like Donald Trump or have the last 4 years just permanently damaged my brain?

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

Biden Assistant: “we were upset to discover that Trump put bugs all over the Oval Office... and, let me be clear - by bugs: I mean millipedes. Thousands of millipedes. Which, I guess, equals one trillipede”

[Myles Hewette @MyleswithaY]

How could we have known this would happen when all they’ve been saying is that they were going to do this

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

Half of Twitter: “the whole world is on fire!”

Other half of Twitter: “Hey - whatever happened to mambos number 1 through 4?”

[Special District @SpecialDistrict]

@SUBLIMEBEAUTY99 @superherosflys @MJB1103 @larryelder In the US alone

[Special District @SpecialDistrict]

@SUBLIMEBEAUTY99 @superherosflys @MJB1103 @larryelder Maybe you’re just not paying attention? 1,500 people are dying from Covid every day right now.

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

1:06 PM - Search: “Nevada”

1:07 PM - Search: “Pennsylvania”

1:08 PM - Search: “Georgia”

1:09 PM - Search: “Nevada”

1:10 PM - Search: “Pennsylvania”

1:11 PM - Search: “Georgia”

1:12 PM - Search: “Nevada”

1:13 PM - Search: “Pennsylvania”

1:14 PM - Search: “Georgia”

1:15 PM

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

All right, everybody - take a DEEP breath ...

...and just hold it until you pass out

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

The year is 2120, the nation still has a two party system, but it is now divided into “states that are on fire” versus “states that are underwater”.

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

BIDEN: I’m a centrist

TRUMP: I will set you on fire for fun

TWITTER: I don’t know - they’re both the same.

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

Yes, Biden is prone to gaffs, but I will take bumbling over cruel 100% of the time. After 4 years of this, I’m fine with the gaffs. I want the news in 2021 to be like “President Biden went to a summit on climate change today and tried to open an iPad by shaking it”

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

I don’t know, guys - I’m starting to think maybe the president is an asshole?

[Spirit Spacelines @SpiritSpaceline]

As always, we encourage our passengers to take their shoes off and put their feet on everything

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

What could possibly go wrong?

[LateRevue @LateRevue]

God damn it - if I click this and it turns out he’s not really dead I’m gonna be furious