Lauren Pespisa

I'm from the internet and I'm here to help!

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

If you ain't down with fractals, I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems, and 99 smaller problems inside of each one

[soup🕷️ @thrluv]

loggin tf on

[🏴based opossum🏴🚬 @CrustPunk161]

Police will be like "you can't ride a bike without a light, it's unsafe," and then murder you.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Cretan honey, to be precise. I’m now a Cretan.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

I made the horrible mistake of dipping a tiny teaspoon into some greek honey I got just to “taste” it. Now I know what heaven tastes like and I’m screwed.

[Rachael Rollins @DARollins]

Can ICE please deport Vivek Ramaswamy & his horrible pompadour weave straight to depths of hell? What a POS. Parading out a terrible mother who chose her husband over her 12 yr old daughter that husband was INDICTED for raping. Amy Acton is about to be the next Governor of Ohio.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Hell yea

[Ryan Grim @ryangrim]

Jaime West tells Piers Morgan that her next door neighbor just graduated high school and enlisted in the Marines and may get shipped off to die in an illegal war so people need to get off her nuts about drinking a few Coor’s Lights before an interview

[Shafeeq @Y2SHAF]

Holding a baguette like a lethal weapon in the middle of a riot is the most French thing to ever happen

[Mike @hammerito]

Between the Air Force guy plummeting from the roof of the Astrodome and the priest getting killed by the falling crucifix it was not a great weekend for subtlety or not accidentally viewing snuff films

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

@KM_Zencat Its great!

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Round 1, round 2. Trying to do some skill development at a very late age. 😂

I finally have an oven of my own I’m gonna figure this out!

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Oh hell yea, I’m gonna make it to thanksgiving at this rate.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

@jaykelly26 Congrats! Proud of you!

[jasper nathaniel @infinite_jaz]

To be clear, the only reason I was able to reach Heidi was because young Palestinians provided cover with rocks against machine-gun- and tear-gas-wielding settlers and soldiers. It’s those kids, not the settler terrorists, who the IDF was hunting after the attack.

[Alex Moskowitz @alexrmoskowitz]

i would die for my country autumn in massachusetts

[croptopsandcourtrooms @croptopsllc]

Rare AI W

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Apparently a musical called "The Tuneabomber" is coming to Somerville next month and I have never bought a ticket to anything so fast in my life.

[Cameron @e_goeth]

I always freak out whenever a woman tells me she has an IUD because in 2004 my Humvee hit one in Iraq and my platoon leader was killed

[Gregory Kennedy @gregorykennedy]

This response to Kelly Clarkson’s post will be studied by communications professionals for years.

I give it an A+

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Watched “Age of Disclosure” and “Disclosure Day” this weekend and I’m texting my sci-fi Dad like “I want to see a UFO. How come we haven’t seen a UFO yet?” 🛸

[Klonopin Centaur @facetedcarapace]

THE PRIMUS SHIRT.