Lauren Pespisa

I'm from the internet and I'm here to help!

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

If you ain't down with fractals, I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems, and 99 smaller problems inside of each one

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Suddenly realized: “Why would I bring an old bed to a new place when I could leave ten years of tears and exes on the curb for trash day.”

This must be what my psychic friend meant by “protect your energy.”

[grace spelman @GraceSpelman]

animal collective could do little lion man but mumford and son could never do for reverend green

[Chemtrails Over Zembla @BreadPudding315]

Girl I’m bored let’s romanticize a building we’ve walked past 15000 times

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Yea I thought this for a while this winter, than it turned out my doorbell buzzer was vibrating because it was so cold out.

[Fav ⛧ @Favwontmiss]

Signs you might have ADHD that nobody talks about:

You can hear electricity. Like, actually hear the hum of lights and appliances. You thought everyone could until you mentioned it and people looked at you like you'd grown a second head.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

I want to frame this, magnificent composition.

[Only In Boston @OnlyInBOS]

Someone abandoned their slice of cheese pizza at The Charles River Dam tonight.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

I went to Tin Tin Buffet in Brighton while sober today for maybe the first time ever. It still goes just as hard when you’re not day drinking, fyi.

[Only In Boston @OnlyInBOS]

I’m convinced every fifth restaurant in Allston is now a hotpot spot.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Trump hasn’t made a public appearance in 8 days. This after an unscheduled visit to the hospital- because he “likes getting check ups.” Thank God Jake Tapper (or as I like to call him- the Brick Tamland of his generation) is on the case hunting down clues in a book about my mom’s experience as First Lady four years ago.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

@ryanbebb Hear hear!

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

If this doesn’t make me poop I’m getting a colonoscopy

[Sun Treska @SUNTRESKA]

This recipe just changed my life.

1. Soak dates in espresso overnight.
2. Serve over yoghurt with a bit of salt and/or honey

Thank me later.

[DJ Branham 🗽 @DJBranham]

Fucking lion. The pedophiles in government smeared this man relentlessly because he liked mature stacked Latinas.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

So let me get this straight.

Jake Tapper is focused on attacking my Mom.

Jared and Ivanka are building a private island paradise on Albanian protected land.

Don Jr married the daughter of Epstein’s banker, and a startup his fund backs just got a record $620M Pentagon loan.

Eric is taking an Israeli drone company public for $1.5B in the middle of a war with Iran that nobody wanted.

And I know: “But what about your paintings, Hunter?”

Please.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@Kenn321705 I’ve never stolen an erection in my life.

[Megan Johnson @megansarahj]

Get in losers, we’re buying the tiny truro house for $295k!

https://t.co/fGjlQ1xyMG

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

When every new neighbor says “congrats” to you and has a cute dog. 😍

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@Boilers32 It most definitely was not. I would never have forgotten my drugs.

[Only In Boston @OnlyInBOS]

This is going to be a long month.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

Oh my god they switched my birth control from nuvaring to slind and I am so hungry I just ate salsa with a fork.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

@HunterBiden Congrats. Coming up on 10 years end of this month and I have to say even with 7 years under your belt, there are still blessings to come.

[Lauren Pespisa @SplendidSpoon]

@keepofffgrass @tortadiver Thank you!!!