The Statty Geezer

Daily pointless football stats & What ifs. The odd rumour. Football nonsense nobody asked for. Use this information wisely. 🫡

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

🚨 POINTLESS STATS IN PLAY THIS WEEKEND

Turns out some of the completely useless things we’ve investigated recently are suddenly relevant. 😂So here are a few things you absolutely didn’t need to be watching for this weekend…Sorry in advance. 👇

1️⃣ FLEMMING WATCH - IPSWICH v LIVERPOOL

⚽ Zian Flemming 11 Premier League goals last season.
ZERO assists. Now he could make his Ipswich debut tonight.

🚨 STATTY ALERT:
Scores = the stat gets even better and he closes in on Kroupi's 15 goals with 0 assists
Assists = STAT DOWN.
Whatever you do Zian, don’t pass. 😂

2️⃣ IRAOLA WATCH - IPSWICH v LIVERPOOL

👀 Andoni Iraola’s last 20 Premier League games as a manager:

🍒 Bournemouth - 18 unbeaten
🔴 Liverpool - 2 unbeaten
A record 20 PL games unbeaten across TWO clubs.
His two Liverpool games? 2-2. 2-2.

🚨 STATTY ALERT: Can he make it 21 unbeaten tonight… and finally get Liverpool win No.1? 😂

3️⃣ SPEED WATCH - BRIGHTON v LEEDS

⚡ Jean-Mattéo Bahoya Leeds’ new boy has been clocked at 37.16 km/h (23.09mph) in the Bundesliga. Now we get to see what he can do in the Premier League.

🚨 STATTY ALERT:
Someone get the speed gun out. 😂

4️⃣ BERGE WATCH - FULHAM v PALACE

📏 Sander Berge 6’5”
50+ Premier League appearances
ZERO headed PL goals.

🚨 STATTY ALERT:
If Berge heads one in this weekend, yesterday’s Pointless Stat lasted approximately 24 hours.
Please respect our work, Sander. 😂

5️⃣ HULL HISTORY WATCH - HULL v ASTON VILLA

🐯 Hull City Two Premier League games since promotion:
✅ Played 2
✅ Won 2
✅ Conceded 0

Only ONE promoted team has ever won their opening 3 PL games: Bolton in 2001/02.

🚨 STATTY ALERT:
Beat Villa and Hull join Bolton 25 years later.

Use this information wisely. 🤓

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

Great start, guys 😂 Don’t assume I’ve finished my research yet as there could be plenty more out there. The higher the matching number, the better. And keepers are the easy ones… I’m not giving you that much credit. 👀

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

🚨 A little challenge for you overnight…

Can you name a player whose total goals in all competitions for a club WHILE they were in the Premier League exactly matched a shirt number they wore there? 👕⚽

There are some absolute beauties.

I’ve found 6.

Answers tomorrow at 11am GMT.

Your turn to suffer. 😂

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@Fulham_catala I don’t speak Catalan but I recognise a campaign to destroy my Pointless Stat when I see one 😂

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

This has aged beautifully 😂

“Sander Berge is good in the air.”

6’5”. 134 Premier League appearances. Still waiting for his first headed PL goal. The tallest outfield PL player to never score a header.

To be fair though, you didn’t say what he was good at doing up there!

[The United Stand @UnitedStandMUFC]

"I would like to APOLOGISE to Sander Berge, and I would like to apologise to everyone who said to get Sander Berge...

"Sometimes I'm wrong!" 🇳🇴

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@Attila92132614 @BrandonMartinM2 @OTBScouting @OTBTrivia You dug brilliantly here 😂 5’6” and the header checks out. Unfortunately I’ve now checked the small print… 32 PL appearances. 18 short of qualifying. Statty VAR says NO. 🚫

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

🚨 POINTLESS STAT OF THE DAY #034

Yesterday @OTBTrivia asked me:

“Who’s the tallest Premier League player never to score a headed goal?”

I initially laughed. Then I remembered I run this account. So obviously I checked. 😂

First, some rules....Outfield players only. Minimum 50 Premier League appearances. Otherwise some 6ft 8 bloke who came on for four minutes ruins the entire investigation.

And the answer is…

SANDER BERGE.
📏 6ft 5in
🎮 134 Premier League appearances
⚽ 3 goals
🗣️ Headed goals: 0
At 6ft 5in, Berge appears to be the tallest outfield player with 50+ Premier League appearances never to score with his head.

And just behind him is Nemanja Matić
📏 6ft 4in
🎮 251 appearances
⚽ 6 goals
🗣️ 0 headed goals

Thanks for the question.
Please stop giving me homework.
Use this information wisely. 🤓

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@BWFCAndyG @BrandonMartinM2 @Attila92132614 @OTBScouting @OTBTrivia Bl@@dy hell. You’re right 😂 Shaun Wright-Phillips scored a PL header at West Ham. 315 appearances too. Joe Allen has lasted about 5 minutes at the top.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@GJeffas @BrandonMartinM2 @Attila92132614 @OTBScouting @OTBTrivia Yep! Gerrard corner, Joe Allen header. 5’6”. 😂 This may be the first suggestion today that’s survived Statty VAR.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@NonLeagueCash @BertieDog4 @BigAlCruz Just checked it 😂 Laurent Robert and Robert Lee DID overlap, which got me excited… but Lee’s only PL goal that season wasn’t assisted by Robert. So close to a beautiful Robert → Robert.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

🚨 POINTLESS STAT OF THE DAY #035

@Henry54077836 fired this one at me yesterday...

“Which outfield player has made the most Premier League appearances without EVER scoring OR assisting?”

I really need to stop reading the replies since Zian Flemming signed for @IpswichTownFC but I obviously checked. 😂

The answer is @LucasRadebe @LUFC

🎮 197 Premier League appearances
⚽ 0 goals
🅰️ 0 assists

That's 15,722 minutes of Premier League football without being credited with a single goal or assist.
And he didn't just hang around at the back doing nothing. He captained Leeds during the period in which they finished fourth and then third and reached a Champions League semi-final.

197 games.
0 goals.
0 assists.
@LUFC legend.

Thanks Henry.
Please don't ask another question.
Use this information wisely. 🤓

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

Don't do it!

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

🚨POINTLESS STAT OF THE DAY #026

Ipswich signed Zian Flemming last night.

Last season he scored 11 Premier League goals for Burnley but assisted absolutely none which puts him FIFTH on the all-time Premier League leaderboard for most career goals without registering a single assist:

🥇 Branko Strupar 15
🥈 Eli Junior Kroupi 13
🥈 Bafétimbi Gomis 13
4️⃣ Jhon Durán 12
5️⃣ Zian Flemming 11

So Flemming starts his Ipswich career just four goals away from the record.

The problem? One successful pass in the penalty area could ruin the entire thing.

Can he reach No.1 before accidentally setting someone up? 👀

🧐 Use this information wisely.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@efp23 😂 Same. Every Fulham corner tomorrow is now appointment television.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@AlfredSidrobffc 😂 Leave Sander alone. He’s kept this stat alive for us.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

60 mins in and this game may get interesting!

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

Nice team news. Good to see Flemming make the matchday squad.

Ipswich fans, one completely unnecessary thing to watch tonight if he comes on… 👀

Zian Flemming’s last PL season:
⚽ 11 goals
🅰️ 0 assists
A goal tonight makes this stat even better.
An assist ruins everything. 😂

Please use him responsibly.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

Nice team news. Good to see Flemming make the matchday squad.

Ipswich fans, one completely unnecessary thing to watch tonight if he comes on… 👀

Zian Flemming’s last PL season:
⚽ 11 goals
🅰️ 0 assists
A goal tonight makes this stat even better.
An assist ruins everything. 😂

Please use him responsibly.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

Nice team news. Good to see Flemming make the matchday squad.

Ipswich fans, one completely unnecessary thing to watch tonight if he comes on… 👀

Zian Flemming’s last PL season:
⚽ 11 goals
🅰️ 0 assists
A goal tonight makes this stat even better.
An assist ruins everything. 😂

Please use him responsibly.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@BrandonMartinM2 @Attila92132614 @OTBScouting @OTBTrivia Yep, he’s out 😂 Three headers last season alone. This investigation is basically becoming Guess Who, except everyone’s 5’7

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@ArchieKDRUMs @OTBTrivia 😂😂 Statrick Bamford to Statan Ibrahimović in a matter of hours. Finally a career trajectory I can get behind. Keep going Archie.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

@Spuds4Lyfe @EzeAsburton @OTBTrivia 😂😂 This is tremendous. We’ve reached the stage where people are sending me Mike Dean heat maps. Exactly what I hoped this account would become.

[The Statty Geezer @StattyGeezerFC]

Some lovely light relief for a Friday afternoon. There must be some kind of record stat this keeper can own.

[Football Tweet ⚽ @Footballtweet]

The most incredible save you'll see all week.. 😂