Stephanie Vergara Smith

[Rick Lee James @RickLeeJames]

The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as an average and sparkling dog who loved his wife and Buffalo. He will be deeply coached. He was 782 years old.

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

@DollyParton will singlehandedly save us all from 2020

[The Late Show @colbertlateshow]

.@DollyParton sings “Bury Me Beneath The Willow” and I think somebody is cutting onions. 😭 #LSSC

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: Want to watch Jurassic Park tonight?

Wife: Not if you're going to quote the movie for the rest of the week.

Me: Clever girl.

[Katmai National Park @KatmaiNPS]

Here's how to participate in #FatBearWeek: this is an elimination tournament to determine who will be crowned 2020's fattest bear on the Brooks River. For each pairing of bears, you will be given the opportunity to vote on our new #FatBearWeek website, https://t.co/bcJqAzVU3F

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

Also, the world needs another Mr Rogers type leader in this world right about now. A true gem 😭😭

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

Hunter and I just spent an hour watching Mr Rogers’ clips of how things are made and y’all. I have never felt more relaxed in my life

[Saint Louis Zoo @stlzoo]

On 7/23, something incredible happened at the Herpetarium — a ball python laid eggs! This particular female snake is over 50 years old (the oldest snake documented in a Zoo) & has not been with a male in over 15 years!

Read more: https://t.co/GkAEsRD5iZ

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

[watching Mulan]

Me: Do you know what the lesson is?

8-year-old: Don't get married. Go to war.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

I’m no expert on women but making them a grilled cheese with the butter spread all the way to the edges is undefeated.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Some people think your forties are lame but later today we are going to Costco and getting an entire case of this green tea that I tried last weekend and really enjoyed.

[Matthew A. Cherry @MatthewACherry]

Maya Rudolph walking into SNL contract negotiations

[Nick Jonas @nickjonas]

I’ve been to the year 3000 not much has changed, except everyone was wearing a mask.

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

@natneedsanap @vlc92868 @vlc92868 Can you teach me your ways??

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

Someone other than my mother come to my house and teach me how to fold some fitted sheets

[Jurassic Park Updates @JurassicPark2go]

the herbivores eat plants and the carnivores eat meat but the one food both of them can agree on are red lobsters cheddar bay biscuits ™️

[Jurassic Park Updates @JurassicPark2go]

the velociraptors have figured out how to hold a gun

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

Remember back when all we had to be scared of were clowns popping out of the woods? Ah the good ol days

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

Me. Every time I forget the pest control guy is coming on my off day. And I’m still in my jammies at 2 pm

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

My new life motto has become: WWDPD
What Would Dolly Parton Do?

[Entertainment Weekly @EW]

Dolly Parton and 'RuPaul's Drag Race' queen Nina West have teamed for the 'Kindness is Queen' charity collection benefitting LGBTQ+ youth! https://t.co/9dMPaY2Ki6

[Stephanie Vergara Smith @Stephvergara9]

We can’t have a kitten because our backyard is a breeding ground for hawks and other large raptor birds. But if anyone knows of a larger war-grizzled cat that looks like he once was part of the Russian mafia let me know. Bonus if he’s missing an eye or part of an ear.