Stew ✌🏼

good vibes only 🤘🏼

[Stew ✌🏼 @StewartSierra]

When your drunk and try to order uber eats but instead you sign up to be an uber driver...

[peach @peachsweet_tea]

Hey men. Those little hairs in the sink when you’re done shaving. Turn the water on and rinse the sink. Wash those little hairs down the sink. Just a little swish, one extra step. Please just swoosh it down

[Neal Owusu @neal_thatdude]

Now I be like “oh fuck i forgot my mask” like im spiderman or something

[Stew ✌🏼 @StewartSierra]

@Gettyy10 You legit just described my mom

[Jizzle Dim @CloudKait3]

Find a mans that makes you feel like you’re the hottest girl he’s ever touched.... even though you know you’re a potato

[Dana 🦋 @danabuchan]

Wdym all events are cancelled for the rest of summer for our safety but i have to go back to work in 2 weeks and touch people everyday i ???

[Jizzle Dim @CloudKait3]

Tested positive for self sabotage

[abby govindan @abbygov]

Coronavirus 2: Electric Boogaloo

[Jordan Epp @JordanEpp18]

I wake up at 3:00 A.M for work and my girlfriend had breakfast and coffee not only made for me but brought to me in bed, man am I ever thankful for her @StewartSierra

[posi account @posililyflower]

please don't ever get tired of being a good person with a good heart... i know it sucks being taken advantage of and feeling like it's better being cold-hearted, but people like you matter and are so important for the world.

[Honest Restaurant Manager @phileagle_]

What the server said: Hi everyone my name is Jessica and I’ll be your server this evening!

What the lady at the table heard: Hi, I’m hoe mcslut and I’m here to take your 52 year old husband so you better not tip me so that I learn my place.

[Abigail Justice @abbyjustice_]

Next time anyone asks me why I watch The Bachelor I’m just gonna reference this video #TheBachelorABC

[Julia Rose @JuliaRose_33]

pasta is better than sex

[alley théroux @alleytheroux]

I pray that I marry someone, who at the end of everyday no matter how easy or hard it is chooses me..

[brooke coleman @b_bcolee]

“i can’t drink like i used too” - me at the raw age of 22

[alley théroux @alleytheroux]

I HATE this generation. I still believe in marriage. I still believe in meeting your parents. I still believe in falling in love, and going on dates. I still believe in commitment. This generation will not make me lose sight of that.