Tim Stockton

Retired

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@DineshDSouza @POTUS Chump change

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@cspan @SecScottBessent I’m waiting for them to rename DC to TrumpTown.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@SecScottBessent Yes, there’s nothing more fitting than breaking a law in his honor.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@StephenM That because God has infinite patience with fools.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@KATUNews Yes, I love a work in progress adventure.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@MeidasTouch We get the Supreme Court we deserve.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@RepLuna Oh dear. Did you flunk US History?

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@RepLuna Republicans doing what Republicans do.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@cspan @RepDelBene Only bled a little

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@HQNewsNow What a cult.

[🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸 @Soaringeagle45]

An old cowboy owned a small ranch in New Mexico. The New Mexico Wage & Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well,” replied the rancher, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.

“That would be me,” replied the rancher.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@i_saim1 Pete should revisit the oath he took instead of trying to rewrite it.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@VolodyaTretyak @ANNELAMOTT Pimp Deco

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@oelma__ There is no such thing.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@AmericaSpoof Best way to win, declare victory

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@haniya_445 2

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@HELLSBELLS828 Dill pickles.

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@cspan @SenatorSlotkin She obviously flunked History.

[RedAlways @PATRIOT2117]

After getting Pope Francis's luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.”

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?!” protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

“Who's going to tell?” says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 km.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness," pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!” moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don't think we want to do that. He's really important,” said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, “All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,”said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, “Who do you have there, the mayor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “A senator?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “The President?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “who is it?”

Cop: “I think it's God!”

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, “What makes you think it's God?”

Cop: “His chauffeur is the Pope!”

[Tim Stockton @StocktimTim]

@techspence Don’t get those chads on your hand and then wipe your face