Cooper Rigney 🇵🇸

Say less

[Moongazer @joeybeastmarket]

There is currently a conspiracy being uncovered which proves beyond reasonable doubt that Guy Fieri has never been filmed swallowing food in over a decade of television

[Kyrie🤞🏾 @KyrieIrving]

The Truman Show
West World
Billions
Law and Order SVU
Blue Chips
The Simpsons
The 100
Every Black Mirror Episode

Supposedly fiction.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

@cmykjester Definitely. Right-wing twitter is child’s play compared to inting 13 year olds

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

The new logo for Infowars has been revealed.

The Onion has successfully landed a deal to take over Alex Jones' site after 17 months of legal issues.

Tim Heidecker will serve as the site's creative director.

[MrBanks💰 @Mrbankstips]

I pray you experience this at least once in your life.

[hannah montoya @hannahcmontoya]

I cannot stop watching this. it feels like a sketch & i genuinely can’t comprehend that this was a real human interaction

[ian woods @ian___woods]

pinkpantherss for blanc magazine

[Cooper Rigney 🇵🇸 @StormCooper27]

Death to Esquire 🫩

[Nathan Grayson @Vahn16]

esquire decided to interview an AI homunculus of a one piece star instead of the real guy. this might be my breaking point

[Tom Zohar @TomZohar]

Heartbreak feels mediocre in a place like this

[Cooper Rigney 🇵🇸 @StormCooper27]

This is one of the worst days of my life

[Netflix @netflix]

Today, Netflix announced our acquisition of Warner Bros. Together, we’ll define the next century of storytelling, creating an extraordinary entertainment offering for audiences everywhere. https://t.co/rXPFMNIs1A

[Cooper Rigney 🇵🇸 @StormCooper27]

Baby Billy would’ve loved generative AI…

[✞Righteous Rebellion𓅪 @OneManCircus87]

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate?
I’m glad you asked. Buckle up.

12:05 p.m. — It begins. You down the 10-ounce bottle like it’s a lukewarm PBR at a college tailgate. The label says “cherry flavored,” but it tastes like someone described cherry to a chemist who’s never eaten fruit. Regret sets in instantly.

12:06 p.m. — You grab a handful of chips for moral support. They’ll be liquified before they clear your throat, but who cares? Life still feels okay right now. Remember this peace. You’re about to enter the darkest chapter of your gastrointestinal history.

12:37 p.m. — The rumbling starts. There’s movement in the depths. You’ve got five pounds of impacted regret in your colon, and you just drank the “human-safe” version of Drano. You think it’s go time. It’s not. You get one sad little snake turd — a warm-up act.
That’s the last semi-solid you’ll see for the next 24 hours.

12:57 p.m. — The situation escalates. Your stomach is in full revolt. You have 0.3 seconds to make it to the toilet. Running is risky business — one wrong step and you’ll paint the walls. You pray for sphincter strength like never before as you waddle at Mach 3, pants half down, whispering, “Please, God, not like this.”

12:58 p.m. — Impact.
You sit, and the gates of hell open.
The explosion is biblical. It hits the back of the bowl with such violent force it ricochets like a sprinkler system.
You ask yourself, Is that blood?
No — false alarm. Just the ghost of a cherry pie you ate in 2004. The smell is unspeakable. The acoustics? Terrifying. The neighbors think you’re performing an exorcism.

1:06 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. — Time becomes meaningless. You’ve evacuated everything you’ve ever eaten, plus a few ancestral meals for good measure. Your colon feels like it’s been sandblasted with lava. The burn is real. You’re sweating. Crying. Contemplating life. You meet Jesus briefly, but He sends you back — says your mission’s not over yet.

8:37 p.m. — You’re empty. Broken. Reborn.
Your butthole? A war veteran.
Your spirit? In recovery.
You’ll never be the same, but you will survive.

Tomorrow, you’ll rise from the ashes, slip into your last clean pair of underwear, and waddle into Walmart like a survivor of gastrointestinal warfare — to buy a new toilet brush and reclaim your dignity.

You’ve earned it.

Feeling thankful. 💩🙏

[Cooper Rigney 🇵🇸 @StormCooper27]

@100T_LoL @higround @100Thieves Dhokla da 🐐

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

honestly i was skeptical but they did a good job w the website

https://t.co/b60qAoH6JN

[jesse @darthgordita]

obaa losing like 75% of its imax and dolby screens because of this…i’m declaring my jihad against taylor swift now

[Carrie Wittmer 👻 @carriesnotscary]

miss showgirl thinks she’s Kendrick Lamar but in reality she’s the dean of the English department at Lea Michele university

[NRM84 @Mappy6984]

To think I'm almost scrolled past this

[🍏 @ineedanapplebox]

ayo edebiri deleted her letterboxd account this is the worst day of my life💔