Clay

Not one of ‘those cold and timid souls, who know neither victory nor defeat.’

[Breadman @BTCBreadMan]

The next time you’re feeling down, remember it's all about perspective. I got a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries, & has people who want to have sex with him all the time & yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison

[Ari Wasserman @AriWasserman]

I wish there were some Hawaii soccer game on after this so we could all try to win our money back.

[Matt Herdman @MattHerdman]

Europe: “America has no soccer culture”

America: *does a wildly corrupt thing with the president of fifa*

Europe: no not like that

[Tickled Orange @TickledOrange]

The RED CARD call truly was absolute BS, but this is hilarious 😆

[Noah 🇺🇦 @NoahMF]

All of the founding fathers would have a bit of culture shock today. Except Benjamin Franklin. Give him a few hours and he’d have a tinder account set up.

[MAZE @mazemoore]

Reminder that if you are fully vaccinated and up to date on boosters, you are allowed to celebrate the Fourth of July.

Those vaccinated are even permitted to have a very small backyard barbecue. Five person maximum.

[greg @gandalf_thegreg]

“they’re not actual eagles. great band though. hotel california sounds liberal by name but, frankly, is a great song. incredible song even. what does the fox say, anyway? hopefully good things about me unlike the fake news. nasty people”

[Miss Ally @MissAlly_01]

I was offered sex today by a very handsome 26yo. In exchange I was to advertise some bathroom cleaner on Twitter. Of course I declined because of my morals & strong willpower, which is as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner available scented with vanilla or lemon.

[Chris Walker @WalkerATX]

I'm telling everyone who asks here in France that I'm from Texas.

European wine snobs love to turn up their noses at American wine, but they conveniently forget that their precious vineyards would be literal dirt if Central Texas hadn't bailed them out. Back in the 1800s, a nasty root-eating bug pushed the French wine industry to the brink of total extinction until they came begging the Lone Star State for help. Today, a whopping 80% to 90% of all grapevines in France are physically spliced onto the rugged, subterranean roots of the stubborn Central Texas Mustang Grape. Because those nasty bugs are still chilling in the European soil today, French grapes cannot survive on their own. Every single bottle of overpriced French wine you buy is a total hybrid—delicate European fruit up top, riding piggyback on a tough-as-nails Texan bodyguard down below.
The French really ought to be writing "thank you" notes to the rocky, sun-baked hills of Central Texas every single day. While roots from other states withered and quit, those Central Texas vines had spent centuries surviving brutal droughts and limestone dirt, making them completely immune to the bugs. In 1887, thousands of rugged Central Texas cuttings were shipped across the pond, and French farmers had to slice open their fancy vines and glue them onto Texas muscle just to keep from going belly up.

[Shambo of Luxembourg @BradfemlyWalsh]

It has to be this:

[jess ⚡️ @JessNoFace]

as a soccer fan of 3 weeks it is unforgivable what these refs are doing to our beautiful game

[Clay @StriblingClay]

@jaguarguy899 @LibsHateUs @NYCMayor No.. just, no.

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

honestly, most of my problems come down to two things:

1. ​i'm terrible at waking up.
2. ​i am somehow worse at going to sleep.

[𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @SundaeDivine]

Bought some fireworks today and I wasn't sure I'd picked out the right stuff until the salesman smiled and high-foured me.

[Shea Serrano @SheaSerrano]

me, the first time i tasted tacos al pastor:

[Clay @StriblingClay]

@HubPointless Goated tweet

[PointlessHub @HubPointless]

“Yeah, it’s called my wife’s cookin’ ”

[Molly Morrison @mollyhannahm]

LeBron:

[Indra @IndraVahan]

local gym owner warns people lifting weights at home are on a “very dangerous path”