allison

A worst-case scenarist on a grand scale.

[allison @StrimbuCat]

I stare at the ceiling, praying for it to fall on me.

[erin chack @ErinChack]

My date of birth feels like a celebrity to me. Whenever I see it written somewhere random, like on a movie poster or a milk carton, I'm like omg there she is! Ugh, she looks great :)

[brewi 🍻 @brewskigirl333]

if a bagel can have everything so can you

[aly! ଘ(*. .)੭ @theblessedbhie]

everything will work out for you this october because you are hot and insane

[③ @zurskiii]

We have the most access to information ever and somehow everybody is a fucking idiot

[some people call me the space cowboy @yrs______]

if ur a bug just be careful

[Cream E. Niggums @ElYouri_]

Things that just make sense once you turn 30:

1. Steely Dan
2. Sparkling Water
3. A dislike of too many teenagers in a public area
4. Birkenstocks
5. National parks
6. A good stretch
7. Analog and physical media

[jojo @_jwigz]

spent most of yesterday in a 9/11 rabbit hole and like omg they fucked us up so bad

[Beer Enjoyer @YungGiamatti]

Being Midwestern means going to bat for an objectively mid Mexican restaurant where you grew up til the day you die

[Haster. @Haster18_]

DRIP TOO HARD DONT STAND TOO CLOSE

[Ada🌸 @Starrgirl_Ada]

The reason men can open jars easily is because they don’t moisturize

[MUG's strongest deergirl 🍻 🪏 @PyrrhaF6]

Pittsburgh is like 30 small towns in a trench coat

[𝖓𝖆𝖟 @nazzygirlxx]

what doesn’t kill you makes ur eyes well up on public transport

[parry mecium @parry_mecium]

I don’t get why they make all floss picks blood flavored

[Public Universal Friend @bnzbea]

Whatever Jehova witnessed I’ve seen worse

[️sof @sodazerosugar]

shave that big toe sis we’re going to Chili’s

[trash jones @jzux]

"can i be a hater for a second?" my dear friend. with me you can be a hater for 1 million years

[The Girl with the Garfield Tattoo @shelbyboring]

Ever since I was a little girl I always knew I wanted to play the role of Wife Who Aggressively Lotions Her Body While Having A Conversation With Her Husband At Bedtime

[angie @sweetangelette]

undiagnosing myself. there is nothing wrong with me i am #normal

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

Can't wait to get really old and drive my car into the side of a Dairy Queen