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Thanks for riding with MTA New York City Transit.

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How many times have you seen something without saying something?

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When you’re directed backward two stops because “the trains are running express,” immediately miss the one you need, and then get on one that stops in front of where you were waiting 20 minutes earlier.

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A girl in a backpack thrashing around and screaming to escape the bee.

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JMZ platform end to end, wall to tracks, full of elementary school children in both directions.

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A bee in the car full of kids, from Marcy to Essex.

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The woman sitting next to me blew her nose into a deli napkin and a small booger landed on my kindle.

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Sometimes you’re the crazy one when a stranger catches you whispering, “Hurry!!” to a rat running on the tracks as a train approaches.

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Next to me on the plane: girl eating a wet pickle spear out of a ziplock.
Next to her: two babies, screaming.

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Girl cleaning the bacon egg and cheese she just finished out from under her nails with a metro card.

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Guy on the bus is FaceTiming but holding his phone like those people who move the phone upside down to their mouths to speak, so the person on the other end is looking at a stranger’s neck and a yellow pole.

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Full on out loud fart from a guy in what I can only assume are noise-cancelling headphones.

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Woman with a glamour shot of herself as her phone background, taking up an obscene amount of space on a crowded train.

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This girl is eating an apple and spitting out the skin onto the platform.

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Where’s that campaign about taking off backpacks on crowded trains when you need it? (As in every day for the past several months.) @MTA

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Same amused disapproval for: man on crutches peeing on the post closest to the exit across from the crowded uptown platform, man hopping the turnstile in front of the agent, tourists wildly flailing their subway map around.

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On the previous train, a group of 3 loud idiots who didn’t move to let people on for 3 stops, and then hugged blocking the entire open door at their collective destination.

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On the previous train, a group of 3 who didn’t move who let people on for 3 stops, and then hugged blocking the entire open door at their collective destination.

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Also, a ninja type doing stretches and looking shady.

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No joke, 5 separate people eating on this train. Scraping and slurping melted froyo, talking with a full mouth, using chopsticks in an unrestrained manner.

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Also, a girl blowing her nose repeatedly into a very used Dunkin Donuts napkin and then licking her fingers.