Lara Star Martini

I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

@j4ppleby That' what happens when the phrase "never again" is put into action. Am Yisrael Chai! ✡️🇮🇱

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Knowledge is knowing what apps to download on your phone. Wisdom is knowing they all don't need to be on your home screen.

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

@stealthy_wood ooh, what?!

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

After rewatching the original #TwilightZone, I've come to realize most episodes are just mentally ill people being taken seriously instead of being given treatment. #lookingback #notsospookyanymore

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Just sitting here listening to @MileyCyrus's cover of @Metallica 's Nothing Else Matters, and picturing the solo guitarist living out his high school dream of being in a band and playing that on stage. #dreamsdocometrue

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

I had such bad food poisoning last night, I feel like I just finished a cleanse. #passthepepto

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Holy shit it's snowing. Thanks for following today's weather report! #thatBuffalolife

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Oh look, more hail. 😂 #fuckingridiculous

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

That was definitely hail. Or snow. Not quite sure. Whatever it was, totally normal after an 80° weekend. 😂 #buffalospring

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

You're never too old to be embarrassed when your chair makes a very audible and convincing fart noise and you desperately want to explain to everyone that no, your jeans just rubbed against the cheap vinyl in an unfortunate way. #officeproblems #openplanoffice

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Just rocking the awesome @commentiquette merch I got for Hannukah in the before years. #stillfitsaftergainingthatcovid19

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Things I spend too much time pondering: Do other people neatly fold their clothes at the OB/GYN? Is my doctor judging my messy clothing pile? At least I have the decency to hide my underwear in the middle. #areyouneatorgross #grosslikeme

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

@emilyxlais Did you just tell her the stress she gave you was why it popped up? 😂 #laughteristhebestmedicine But seriously, I'm so glad to hear she's doing well 💕

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

@DudeTweetsAlot I mean, he's screaming either Ohio, Texas, or Florida. #OTFforthewin

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

I cut my kids hair very poorly about six months ago, and now it's growing into a very nice "Justin Bieber Circa 2010" style. #justwaitforittofixitself

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

@_liebot I find it happens when I assume the position of the statue "The Thinker" by Rodin, that the toilet really takes offense to my posture 😂 It's like it's telling me "I know you're not thinking and just playing Candy Crush".

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Is there anything more insulting than a toilet flushing with you still sitting on it, dismissing the very fact of your existence? #imstillpeeing

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

Looks like Mother Nature has a case of the Mondays. -Buffalo #blizzard2022

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

THUNDER SNOW!!! Nature's way of reminding us that while we may survive nature, it is always trying to kill us. #buffaloliving

[Lara Star Martini @SuperStartini]

I'm so old, I had a Friendster account. #datingmyself