Ben

sometimes you have ideas… but mostly ideas have you. Working towards a black belt in something.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

We hired a new VP of Engineering who is obsessed with agile methodology.

He called a meeting on his first day and said we need to transition to 2-week development sprints.

He wanted daily stand-ups, retrospective boards, and continuous deployment pipelines.

He wanted us to actually write new code.

I realized immediately that he was an existential threat to my lifestyle.

I let him finish his impassioned speech about workflow velocity.

Then I stood up, walked to the whiteboard, and drew a single horizontal line.

I told him agile sprints are a localized solution for a localized mindset.

I said our infrastructure operates on a Zenith Release Cycle.

He asked what a Zenith Release Cycle was.

I told him it's a holistic, macro-stabilization framework where we observe the system in a state of prolonged stasis.

By not touching the code for 18 months, we allow the legacy dependencies to organically settle.

I told him that deploying bi-weekly updates creates micro-abrasions in our database architecture.

I used the phrase chronological data scarring.

The CEO was in the room and audibly gasped.

He told the new VP that we can't risk chronological data scarring just to satisfy a trendy tech buzzword.

The VP looked at me like I'd just invented a new color.

He was completely paralyzed by the sheer density of my fabricated jargon.

He quietly agreed to adopt the Zenith Release Cycle.

We're officially scheduled to deploy our next update in the third quarter of 2027.

I spent the rest of the afternoon buying things I don't need on Amazon.

Agile is a disease invented by people who want to be punished for their salary.

I refuse to participate in my own suffering.

[Chris Freiman @cafreiman]

For Father’s Day, I’ll share this letter to Karl Marx from his dad

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@Cernovich Every day, I smile to myself as I listen to the commentary of my imagination spoken in the voice of Scott Adams on the craziness of the news cycle. He would have absolutely been in his element over the last few months. I really miss him.

[Bernie @Artemisfornow]

Unelected and unaccountable Quangos are out of control.

Volunteers removed 200 bags of rubbish from a river after years of neglect, pollution and fly tipping.

So the Environment Agency’s threatened to prosecute them! Idiots.

“We won’t clean it and you can’t either” 🤡

[Culture Crave 🍿 @CultureCrave]

Midjourney announces the world’s first full-body ultrasound CT scanner

• Goal is to bring affordable full-body imaging to everyone on Earth

• Users are submerged in water during the scan

• Creates detailed 3D body maps in under a minute

• Can map more than 25 organs and anatomical structures in detail

• No radiation is used

• Working with the FDA for approvals on diagnostic use

• Plans to bring the tech to market by the end of 2027

(via @midjourney)

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

You are arguing over semantics, Donna. You are also conveying that because the report did not use proper terminology, it should not be taken seriously. Putting yourself in the firing line leads me to believe you are deliberately creating agitprop to undermine the report's purpose. Nothing you will say will change the minds of anyone who takes the time to read it. So my questions to you are, who is paying you to do this, and what are their interests?

Laughing and sneering throughout your presentation is not persuasive. It´s probably intentional. I get it, but I want you to take the time to reflect and think 4 or 5 years ahead. This will haunt you and likely affect your business and personal relationships in the future as more emerges. If I were you, I would take this down, reshoot the video, and open by explaining why you are making the criticism to clarify your intention to the audience. If it's to help make the report better, say that, and highlight how it can be improved, what its failings are, and where it is strong ... you know, balanced commentary.

Anyway, just some advice, I don´t really care if you follow it or not, it's your life.

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@jomickane i can not believe what i just watched, sickening.

[Alex Fairfax @Alex_Fairfax06]

“What’s my approval rating?”

- It’s bad Mr Prime Minister. It’s -43. It’s…it’s in the mud.

“Could it get lower?”

- I mean anything COULD happen but realistically-

“Kill the ponies.”

- Wha-

“The ponies. The cute little ponies. Kill them.”

- Sir, they’re endangered

“Fuck ‘em. Make the call.”

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@Con_Tomlinson @grok what are the reported tv ratings for Jon Oliver's HBO show over the last 5 years

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

Pravda like talking points… really?, … I mean really?!?…

We live in a hoaxocracy of projection, propagated by an agenda driven, ideologically biased news cycle that amped up around 2014 and has led to the partisan mess we are now in. everything has been reduced down to identity and consensus led ‘expertism’.

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@AntoniHouston @Alexarmstrong Can we put you in the same position and hit you with a sledgehammer and then call it nothing, or is that only confined to the people who were there guarding the facility?

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

20 plus police needed for a public order warrant most likely based on the allegation of harassment probably associated with the altercation I saw posted in his channel in which little context was apparent but his reaction was quite measured in comparison to how it could have gone. What are we doing in the uk? What happened to the presumption of innocence?

[Eric Jorgenson 📚 ☀️ @EricJorgenson]

Everyone can use @elonmusk's "Magic Wand Number" and "Idiot Index"

They're universal ideas, helpful in any industry.

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@KlausNyengaard @KonstantinKisin In 20 years after the chaos psychologists and sociologists will be studying this period for centuries to come on the powers of ideology and its mass effects on human psyche. In order to get to the stars and succeed we need to understand ourselves better

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@TheEconomist We are all noticing by the way

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@Con_Tomlinson What a cretinous

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@ThatAlexWoman @brexitblog_info Hey Alex, we don’t care

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

@LeilaniDowding Humans are a cancer says a lot about you

[S2 Underground @s2_underground]

This company installed malware on user's computers, so that they could literally brick the hardware of people who cheat in their video games.

And they proudly display the hardware that they destroyed by their malicious software.

Now imagine what they could do if you had an opinion that they don't like.

[Ben @SwishDiggler]

“A man on the scent of the White House is rarely rational. He is more like a beast in heat: a bull elk in the rut, crashing blindly through the timber in a fever for something to fuck. Anything! A cow, a calf, a mare—any flesh and blood beast with a hole in it. The bull elk is a very crafty animal for about fifty weeks of the year; his senses are so sharp that only an artful stalker can get within a thousand yards of him . . . but when the rut comes on, in the autumn, any geek with the sense to blow an elk-whistle can lure a bull elk right up to his car in ten minutes if he can drive within hearing range. The dumb bastards lose all control of themselves when the rut comes on. Their eyes glaze over, their ears pack up with hot wax, and their loins get heavy with blood.” Hunter s Thompson from fear and loathing on the campaign trail