Lewis

Mark, load me up cow

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

If you live on, and subsequently leave, the Greek island of Crete, does that make you an excretion?

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

A teen was taken into custody after harassing the mannequins (Hole 6) whilst under the influence of mescaline. Authorities are investigating whether this is in relation to doping, or a new form of streaking. More details as and when they’re released.

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

The doping scene on the putt putt circuit is damaging the sport

[PyrionFlax @PyrionFlax]

FOOTBALL STATUS : IT'S COMPLICATED BUT IT'S PARENTS WOULD LOVE IT TO COME HOME RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

The only difference between killing a fly with your hands, and applauding it, is frequency.

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

Hi I’m Lewis and I’m addicted to cornbread. I put garlic butter on it this time and it was ace https://t.co/ot9ewfAE5R

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

A chicken shortage often drives people to the brink.
In times of hardship, and after visiting… https://t.co/QG41kdLjR7

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

Take your shriving off-piste this pancake day by serving tortillas with lemon and sugar #tasty #hottips

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

Name: Lewis

Likes: The warm and comforting hot air curtain at the entrance to a supermarket

Dislikes: Touching some squishy, wet food whilst washing up

Special Skill: Opening doors with butt

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

@Zoe_Read She spent 4 hours in a neck brace, blocked to a trolley, and when asked who she felt about the situation, she replied
“Worth it”

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

After 6 months of being frontline NHS, my favourite patient to grace me on a night shift in A&E was a drunk, 50 year old woman who would rather fall face first into the pavement, fracturing the bones around her eye, than sacrifice a Mighty Meaty from Domino’s.

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

@Zoe_Read Wholesome memes

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

If you have a nice glass of water on December 31st at 11:58:29, you’ll be adequately hydrated just as the clock strikes midnight. Start 2018 right. Stay hydrated.

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

Classes of the 2030s are solely going to be populated by lads called Freddie and Noah

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

If I ever own a house, I’m calling it “Flavourtown” so Guy Fieri has all the reasons he needs to come round.

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

Going into Aylsham Tesco is basically just a school reunion

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

A couple of minute steaks, for those meatily inclined. Who needs veg… https://t.co/ScOtV2lfEU

[Lewis @SyrupJohnston]

@Zoe_Read Snakes are people too