Andy Martello

#andymartello
"Babysitter to the privileged"

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

@thejoelstein I guess this is an upgrade when compared to the lady who wrote about killing a puppy?

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

@KeithOlbermann Funny how [email protected] is not accepting new messages today.

Could it be from the world telling them how badly they failed us? Or are they simply cowards?

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

Question for @elonmusk

Instead of buying Twitter, building ego-rockets, & messing with crypto markets, why not buy/start up an online mental health company & wildly over-fund it so anyone can get mental health care for a single, affordable price?

Is that not "fun" enough?

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

@JoeBiden Mr. Biden, here's one you can use for the next "debate".

"Richard Nixon paid more in taxes as president.

Mr. President, you're no Richard Nixon."

You can thank me in person one day.

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

@eavoss With a heartfelt plea and eager excitement, I challenge the @NewRockstars to find and present every Easter egg from The Good Place. I've watched the series several times and I'm convinced this is sm impossible task for even you.

Thoughts?

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

#Jabbarrthehutt

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

From this day forward, I shall refer to using a public restroom as...

Social Pisstancing.

#Covid_19 #SocialDistancing
#SocialPisstancing #2020sucks

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

Im guessing there's not a parent alive in 2020 willing to name their newborn daughter Karen.

#karen

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

I wonder how many people will be a little less quick to poorly judge those on food stamps and unemployment after this?

#karmaisabitch

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

Many people will show their grandchildren photos of the times they stood up against oppression.

"I was against the war."
"I fought for civil rights."
"I was in the March for Women."

I pity those who will sit through a pride-filled discussion about how grandpa needed a haircut.

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

@bensbiz @JoshJacksonMiLB You ran a good race. Great meeting you tonight.

[Benjamin Hill @bensbiz]

I was trying to let the kids win, but @JoshJacksonMiLB was having none of it.

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

@hauntedmuseum
#HMTourGuide

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

Happy to announce, a film script based upon The King of Casinos is currently being written by the legendary Jerry Schafer.

It's in the early, early, EARLY development stages. Stay tuned!

https://t.co/whHzamuDFT

#books #movies #hollywood #kingofcasinos #newmovies

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

Mass shootings are now so frequent in this country, survivors of previous massacres are being gunned down in subsequent ones.

Let that sink in.

#guncontrol #guncontrolnow #stoptheNRA

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

Beto/Bernie 2020
Make this happen, internet.
If you can rally to get @BettyMWhite to host @nbcsnl, you can do this.

2020. Vision.

@BetoORourke @SenSanders

#betobernie2020 #beto #berniesanders #2020vision #2020

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

Attention, cigar magazines, websites, & retailers!

Award-winning author and long-time cigar smoker here.

Need your magazine, ad copy, reviews, or newsletters to be more entertaining? Hit me up! In some cases, I accept payment in cigars!

#cigars #writing #cigarsmoking

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

I do believe @realDonaldTrump misspoke.

What he meant to say was...

"I WON'T faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and WON'T to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

Sorry for the confusion.

[Andy Martello @THEandymartello]

@ScottNiswander Silly question you may be able to answer.

What happens to all of the webs Spiderman litters the streets and buildings of New York with? You'd think that city would be covered in webbing daily.