Derek Hassan

Almost Sentient

[Derek Hassan @TactfulCactus0]

Based on how much we discussed them in elementary school, I assumed caterpillars would play a much larger role in my daily life.

[Derek Hassan @TactfulCactus0]

I can't believe the movie appealing to children based on nostalgic IP from 40 years ago didn't crush at the box office

[Variety @Variety]

“Masters of the Universe” debuted with a soft $29.3 million in North America.

It’s a slow start for a movie that cost nearly $200 million to produce, not including the marketing budget. It’ll require substantial staying power to justify its price tag, considering that theater owners get to keep roughly 50% of ticket sales. https://t.co/0MUQc0idcf

[Derek Hassan @TactfulCactus0]

“What was your ‘Welcome to the league office’ moment?”

[Shams Charania @ShamsCharania]

Just In: The NBA has suspended Philadelphia 76ers' Paul George for 25 games for violating the league's anti-drug policy.

[joel solomon @joelwsolomon]

Jets Blockbuster III: New York is trading longtime super fan Fireman Ed to the Jaguars for future considerations, sources tell ESPN.

[The Bulwark @BulwarkOnline]

Trump: "Nothing bad can happen, it can only good happen. But with Tylenol, don't take it."

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

INDIANAPOLIS — Head on a swivel.

[michael wave @michael___wave]

spelled it wrong

[Civ @MisterCiv]

if you’ve ever wondered how easy it is to spread fake information

i made this stat up while laying in bed at halftime of the game😭

[Charlie James @malecowgirl]

"tom cruise does his own stunts" ok? so do i. i just have fewer stunts to do. fewer stunts are being asked of me

[Derek Hassan @TactfulCactus0]

Shit I took the over 83.5

[ABC News @ABC]

BREAKING: Major League Baseball legend Pete Rose has died at the age of 83, the medical examiner in Clark County, Nevada, confirmed.

Read more: https://t.co/ys7YDreXLn

[Secretary Pete Buttigieg @SecretaryPete]

Right now, we are delivering America's largest infrastructure investment in generations.

Over 60,000 projects are moving forward—in communities of all sizes across America.

[chase @_chase_____]

two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg we should totally start a pamphlet”

[Ryan DePaul @RyanDePaul]

Another Harbaugh-ism this morning from Jim Harbaugh when he referenced his coaches. “Like Moses, I’m gonna die leaning on my staff.”

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

The Coca Cola company is not happy with me--that's okay, I'll still keep drinking that garbage.

[Sam Dekker @dekker]

Get ready to learn Korean buddy

[Libertarian Party NH 🦔 @LPNH]

Tim Walz has been a leech his entire life:

- Public school teacher
- Politician
- Veteran

[Molly @FSUmollz]

Using Nick Castellanos like he’s Punxsutawney Phil tonight. No homer means stocks back on track and WWIII postponed for six more weeks

[Brendan Quinn @BFQuinn]

Asked Scottie Scheffler about the Olympic experience, about being among iconic athletes of his era, and if he thinks about legacy and his place in sports.

He shrugged, said, nah, not really, explained his indifference, and concluded, "Ultimately, we'll be forgotten."

OK then.

[Bill Madden @maddenifico]

This is how it's done. This should be required viewing for the American press -- who are still engaging in bothsidesism, balance over objectivity, and false equivalencies. This is how you conduct an interview with a serial lying sociopath like Kari Lake.