chase

girl writer | editor @reductress | writing in @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @theonion | | @mckayleygourley.bsky.social | she/her

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obsessed with working in a coworking space. i just walked past a meeting room where 5 guys were standing around a white board that just had the word “money” written on it. like BUSINESS is happening here. these are DISRUPTERS

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@emmazawierucha he says clicker too. but i can’t rly complain about that one because i call it a channel changer

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my bf is from boston and occasionally he’ll do something that feels vaguely british. he refers to his dresser as his “bureau” and it’s like ok sherlock holmes ?? what do u keep in there? cold cases from the 1800s? ur velvet smoking jacket? an emerald tie-pin from queen victoria?

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@Diane6328775507 thank u for explaining this in laymen’s terms

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@lexisoupertramp where does chest of drawers come into play

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“let me check my bureau for my pocketbook” u guys sound like accountants

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@K1tty_C0s3tt3 he said parlor in a posh british accent ?

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trying to be quiet when u get up in the morning so as to not wake the other people in ur house and then immediately dropping 6 bowling balls on the hardwood floor in quick succession

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which war did captain underpants fight in

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not a painter but it’s not illegal for me to give advice i checked

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@Ke7inBurke they’re like fire and ice

[kevin @Ke7inBurke]

My two cats aren't very close. One of them likes to play with string. The other one prefers springs. It's subtle, but apparently too big of a bridge to gap

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i love having a clean apartment :) not including under things, behind things, up high spots, inside closets, or the crack between the counter and the oven of course :) also anything close up

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if u sit outside for a while the wind will blow a bunch of acorns out of the trees and they’ll hit u and everyone around u on the head / body. u and some older gentleman and a woman and her daughter and a guy chilling by his moped. that’s kind of what outside is all about

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i like yellow lights bc they’re vaguely threatening but also they don’t have an opinion one way or the other. that’s so me :)

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do not attempt to reorganize your closet. u will only provoke it

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@MizzyBOMG but when the door is closed it doesn’t exist

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where does marie condo stand on shoving a bunch of shit in ur closet and then closing the door

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@batsonthebelfry so good you gotta

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never tell ur boyfriend about a new show ur watching. bc then he’ll want to watch it with u and he’ll slow u way down with his lackluster binge watching endurance. he’s like that mouse with that cookie kind of or maybe not i don’t know i just want to watch my showwwwww

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@Adge_the_Mage there are dozens of us

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@LadyTayDC frankly disturbing