Loioioioioins

i wear my belt one notch looser on bowel movement days

[Luduvicu @luduvicu]

Não é possível, ele faz crossdressing

[‏ب @neferlitty]

imagine taking a random mirror selfie and becoming the face of irritable bowel movement

[Juckshot @IrrlvantLGnd]

YOUNG WHO????????

[⋆✮𝖍𝖐 🍃౨ৎ ✮⋆ @drunkonmitski_]

this is fucking frying me 😭

[Caleb Pitts @calebpitts1997]

First, they messed with Charlie Kirk. Then, they messed with my brother’s friend Aaron. Then they messed with the keys on my computer keyboard, put all the keys in gay places that make you go to gay websites automatically with no input whatsoever. Then they messed with movies.

[symone/sasha colby stan account @teejc116]

LMFAOOOOOOO

[peter lane @peterlanee]

they’re saying the new starbucks braised short rib grilled cheese is made out of the original paul mccartney

[Paul D. Pantiz-Toudeside🔻 @pover0tti]

you should be able to hold down on the sandwich emoji and select different types of sandwiches like how you can with skin color

[pattoune @leanfloat]

Nothing but slow deep strokes tonight @littlecaesars

[D @more_dreM]

reservations are so embarrassing like hi i'm here for my spaghetti appointment.

[qmd @qmdd_]

if you get groomed on ebay thats genuinely on you i dont even care

[Integrity Guy @Integrity_Freak]

People don’t take their fork and knife in either hand and start banging them on the table when they’re hungry anymore

[katie!!!!!!!!!!!!! @katiopolis]

i’ve never shit the bed as an adult but i’ve gotten an amount of chocolate in my sheets that would make you think i shit the bed like three separate times

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

First day in the Marines! Hope the drill instructor likes the smirk on my face!

[spooky zee🕷 @digita1zee]

last night at the club a girl was twerking on the floor and a half eaten subway sandwich fell out her pants, and then this random dude picked it up and threw it at the ceiling and it hit the fan and went everywhere

[stewie @sizzlinouthere]

how would moisture fix this

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

when i was a boy granddad showed me a old pistol.he said grandson this gun ima use to kill aliens. i say granddad aint no aliens. he said i dont know. week later i woke up and he pointing it at me. pa put him in a home. now im grown and green goo comin out my face and i dont know

[sydney assbasket @admiralwils0n]

Fart smelled so bad i got sent home from work