Ted Bendy

Affable Volkswagen enthusiast

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Lunch

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

I said the same shit under your bed last night

[Fuck it all, Love Molly 💋 @mistrustme1]

I do sort of want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life, no big don’t be weird about it

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Or an autopsy

[🇨🇦SueCorvette🇨🇦 ❎ @suecorvette]

*after surgery*

me: doc how soon can I have sex again?

doctor: I've never had anyone ask me this after a tonsillectomy before

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Posthumously… I mean possibly

[natalayhehoo @highprobably1]

Are you gonna make me cum or what?

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

NIPPLES AND TEETH

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Spin it for her… the clench is …. To die for

[UffDafuckingda @Uffdafuckingda]

Reverse cowgirl because she’s already possessed and her head will spin around anyway.

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

*corpses

[🌸 New England Girl 🌸 @NEGirl711]

Let’s get drunk
And screw

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Same, fam

[Piney @TheRealPiney]

My boner has led me down some dark paths

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

We all need hobbies

[Ƚล Ð๏ͼϯ๏ṛล @VoxDocVoxDei]

A booby trap?
But... who would want to trap my boobies?

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Nope, but a shovel, some duct tape and a shallow hole is a “no paperwork” divorce

[Foxymus Prime @Foxymusprime]

Hi 👋🏼 single male here. Never married, no kids.

Can someone explain to me what a “no-fault” divorce is?

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Slay every day, fam

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Could also be the last, you never know

[💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫𝕪𝔸𝔽👑🍄𝔹𝕦𝕥ℂ𝕦𝕥𝕖💯 @Crazy_ButCute2]

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it a good one

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

There’s also men out there, making blown out, tramp stamps into attractive lampshades

[Piney @TheRealPiney]

There’s men out their taking shit from women with blown out monarch butterfly tramp stamps.
Stay strong kings.

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Now try a baseball bat and a shovel

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

“I hope she fits in the trunk”

[💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫𝕪𝔸𝔽👑🍄𝔹𝕦𝕥ℂ𝕦𝕥𝕖💯 @Crazy_ButCute2]

What's your first thought when you see someone checking you out? Mine is "fuckkkk I hope they don't know me from Twitter"

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

@steveffootball

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Have you tried launching a javelin through their skull?

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Ooopsie, was I stalking out loud again ?

[Fuck it all, Love Molly 💋 @mistrustme1]

I know you want to

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

As long as you’re in a giving mood, send them to me in a box

[💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫𝕪𝔸𝔽👑🍄𝔹𝕦𝕥ℂ𝕦𝕥𝕖💯 @Crazy_ButCute2]

Flashed a trucker my tits like some kind of good goddamn Samaritan

[Ted Bendy @TedBendy]

Elon thinks I’m not active enough. I guess it’s time to fire up the beetle