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In the end,
I think the last few hours on this app has shown that fundamentally many of you marry people you don’t truly like. Or that many of you are planning to marry people you don’t actually like and you don’t actually care about.
This is why some of you people say things like “I can’t do this” “I can’t do that” for someone you claim to love- even when you have the means, the time and the skills to do that thing;
And it’s also exactly the reason some of you say things like “my partner must do this” even when you know deep down that your request is a very unreasonable demand.
In simple terms, my point is:
If you truly like someone and you actually care about them, cooking for them (or getting them food if you can’t cook) will be an act of service and sacrifice on your part. Especially because you know how much the other person also works hard and sacrifices for you to have a better life and never lack anything good. The only reason that cooking for such a partner who truly cares for you sounds like automatic slavery and bondage to you in your ears is because deep down you know you are married to someone you don’t actually like and you know the person you chose to spend your life with is someone you actually hate. So everything you do for them is seen from the prism of bondage, slavery and oppression.
If you love someone and you really care about them, you will make their happiness your happiness and this will guide everything you do. It will make every sacrifice easy and it will make every compromise worth it.
On the other hand as well,
If you marry someone you really value and you really cherish, you won’t make unreasonable demands and impossible requests from them. You won’t tell them you want hand-pounded yam at 3am when you know this person is a nursing mother looking after a little baby, at the same time doing a postgraduate degree and has an exam 8am that morning.
The only reason you make such an unreasonable insensitive request is because fundamentally you don’t cherish them and deep down you actually hate them.
In my observation,
Many people eventually marry who they see is available when they are ready, not who they actually cherish and truly love. There’s a slight technical difference.
Now when you marry someone just because they are available and not because you actually love them, there is a high likelihood of chaos, crisis, competition and catastrophe. And don’t get me wrong, you may find someone available who you also love and cherish (I am not saying this is impossible).
I’m only saying if you marry someone for any reason that does not include love as a cardinal motivation and a primary anchor, it’s a pathway to disaster.
So essentially the real issue here is not food or cooking, the actual issue is something bigger. We will only fight on mundane things like food because the relationship was built on sinking sand all along.
If food and cooking is the reason a marriage collapses, or a relationship scatters; then the two people were never meant to be together.
Because in the end,
Love is about sacrifice, it is about compromise, it is about understanding and it is about compassion.
Sacrifice and compromise- meaning you are willing to do even the inconvenient things just to make your partner happy. Because they mean the world to you. Their joy is your joy.
Compassion and understanding- meaning you never make impossible demands and unreasonable requests because you cherish them and you won’t terrorise them. Seeing them stressed breaks you. Their joy is your joy.
Again to be clear:
If only people will date the people they truly cherish and also marry the people they truly value- we would have far less mundane debates on twitter.
The big question is:
Do you actually love and cherish this person?
Because no mountain is too high, no valley is too deep, no river is too wide, no sacrifice is too great and no effort is too much for someone you really truly cherish.
Anyway good night. Happy weekend.